Mr. T Hearts his momma

Treat your mamma right (Windows Media).

You tell 'em Mr. T. This is a shinning example of how stellar the 80's really were.

Wow, the alien gets mad

tyra mad
Originally uploaded by Frankiepancakes.

On last night's episode of ANTM (the show I love) Tyra bursts out with alien rage. The show starts off well, the models go for their lessons in acting. Put on stage to speak a few lines about flowers in a cockney accent, Michelle believes she has this whole thing nailed since she's acted for 4 years (as a woman). Sadly, the only other person who portraid an English accent worse than her was Tiffany and the beer in her weave. But Michelle believes that she sparkled with her radiant talent and much to her dismay did not win this competition. The winner Naima got to pick 2 friends to all receive free diamonds. Their next challenge was to pose with a male model by the name of Rip, Bif, or Bib, not really sure, but it was a stupid name never the less. And for the first time in weeks we were not choked by the Cover Girl product placement and instead got our fill of Wonder Bra. And by the looks of it, those bras were lacking in some wonder, I'd be afraid to put my little jigglies in those lace padded contraptions. Now we get to the fun stuff, no one passes out or has the flesh eaten from their body in this episode, but Tyra is full of the diva anger. At judging the girls are put to another test. This test is to see if these girls can read. Acting as a tv correspondent who is at fashion week they had to read from a prompter for the judges. This gets me, out of all of them words like technicolor and magenta where completely unknown to these dingbats. turning them to telecolor and magnetic do they not teach english in school anymore? Don't even get me started on how stumped they were when they had to read the word chartreuse you'd think that they were reading the Greek alphabet. Aside from mangling the names of designers (which in model land is apparently the ONLY thing one needs to know, all else is left to basic bodily functions, except eating,) the girls proved themselves to be completely illiterate. When Tiffany arrives to read her prompter she backs out of continuing, stating that she can't read big words. Tyra coaxes her on, and she continues and doesn't do as poorly as everyone else, but leaves the stage muttering how each week gets harder and harder, perhaps next week they might make them spell, won't that just make 8 pretty heads explode. Well the judges talk amongst themselves about who will go and nothing is accomplished at all and Nole does nothing but repeats the statement that is said before him, much like a parrot. Well the girls come teetering in, shaking from the fear that their dreams of being a winner on a reality TV show may come to an end this night. We get a big shocker as all the names are called but two Tiffany "Bitch poured beer in my weave" and Rebecca. Tyra calls them forward and in a shocking moment decides to eliminate both of them. Gasp! Well the two losers go to say their goodbys to the non-losers when Tyra calls them back to her. This is where I think this was staged for ratings. Tyra starts in on Tiffany about how she can't believe that this seems like a joke to her since Tiffany wasn't on the floor sobbing. I mean come on Tyra, you've broken down her spirit by making her order foods she can't pronounce and by making her READ! Tiffany defends herself and Tyra, in a gale force PMS rage, Tells Tiffany to shut-up and then pulls the "I was rooting for you, you could have won this competition" card, anything to make our tough ghetto Tiffany crack. But Tiffany has been through more on the streets and no Victoria's Secret super model was going to make her cry. They pack up and say that they learned so much for this experience and walk away from the splendors of a reality TV show.

Gotta love those wacky Eastern Europeans

I mean they give us such wonderful things as numa numa. This is a must see for anyone who loves big guys and funny Romanian music.

Changing colours

Knit face
Originally uploaded by Frankiepancakes.

I learned recently how to change colours in the yarn while knitting and presented is my first test. It was going to be a pillow cover for these small beenie pillows we have, but it was also my first time with knitters graph paper and much to my dismay, my math was off... a lot. So this kinda goes now into a pile of oopsie's and I think that once the pillow bug gets me again, I will try this again. But you must agree that I look faaaabulous on a pillow.

It's Friday, and I need more cowbell god dammit!

cowbell
Originally uploaded by Frankiepancakes.

nuff said.

Those crazy Germans

Dog Wash
Originally uploaded by Frankiepancakes.

What wacky folk those Germans are. Aside from letting David Hasselhoff serenade everyone on the Berlin Wall in a piano tie and shimmering blazer no less, the great inventors of the Volvo (tank on 4 wheels) have created this little ditty. I think it's a dog wash, from the title on the glass wall I'd say I'm not far from wrong. Now I think I need a detailed diagram to definitively say what this does or how it works, but from I can gather, you simply shove 'ol poochy into the traumatic chamber and blast him with water. As a human, and having a better understanding of things such as showers, thunder and vacuums, this may even scare the crap out of me. And isn't it just in poor taste for the germans to create a chamber to terrorize any kind of creature? Do you get me? But I'm sure Hitler would have never thought to put gas chamber in a fun seventies puffy font letting you know that everything is not as politically incorrect as it may look at first.

Holy Camole

Brit Brit
Originally uploaded by Frankiepancakes.

I know I'm doing it again, celebrity on my blog, but just bear with me here as this will probably be my next big obsession. I do love a good train wreck masked by well paid PR.
Britney Spears is delving into reality television, thanks to a deal she recently inked with UPN, according to a spokesperson for the network. Spears and husband Kevin Federline will star in their own unscripted, as-yet-untitled series, which will document the couple's relationship, from the earliest stages of their courtship to their engagement and ultimately, their stroll down the aisle.
Whoa! say what? they are going to show on network television the worlds most confusing couple? The biggest popstar in her biggest publicity stunt ever? What are you going to call it? "Newlyweds" has already been taken, how about something simple like "Rednecks" or "Cletus and Me and Baby Makes Three". I really can not wait to see the chugging of the Red Bull, the consumption of countless bags of Cheetos, jaw unhinging laughter, a widening girth in the belly, and not to mention the Topographical map that has eurupted upon your face.

"I feel that last year, the tabloids ran my life, and I am really excited about showing my fans what really happened, rather than all the stories, which have been misconstrued by journalists in the past. As I mentioned before, I am now going to be expressing my personal life through art" There is no bloody way you have enough intelligence to know the word "misconstrued" let alone how to use it properly in a sentence. And come on, art? Reality TV is not an expression of art. Paint something, take photographs, or at the very least... close your gaping trap of a mouth. What I can't figure out is "why"? Your letters of Truth that you posted about wanting to be private and all that other crap you gave up doing when you signed you soul over to the Devil. I just don't know why , after fighting against the tabloids for as long as you have, defending your love for each other that you would turn around and air these tender moments? Britney, is it because album sales are down? Are you no longer making enough money for your husband's female "escorts" in Vegas? Man, this show is what dreams are made of you know.

I Want To Be Knitted

JOEY
Originally uploaded by Frankiepancakes.

I'm sure the last thing Joey Ramone ever expected before his passing, was that someone would come up with a patern to make a knitted doll in his likeness. Aside from being slightly on the creepy side of voodoo, this little beenie rock star does noting but rock. I will say that making this portable Joey was fun, it was the assembly that was a downer.

Born Into Brothels

bornintobrothels_bigposter
Originally uploaded by Frankiepancakes.

Last night my boyfriend and I braved the D.C. metro to wander into the city for a night on the town. Not really a night on the town exactly, we were meeting a friend of his and then friends of his friend at the E Street theatre to watch our dose of indie culture, you know, so that we can tell people with certainty that we not only are smarter than them, but better too. We get our tickets for the movie, did I mention I had no idea that we were going to see? We take our seat in what was quite possibly the worlds smallest theatre room. Born into Brothels was to be our viewing pleasure. At first I was a bit apprehensive about seeing a documentary since they usually bore holes in my head till my brain leaks out. I see now why it won and was nominated for a zillion awards, it was not so much about the brothels in the red light district of Calcutta, but about the children of the many many many prostitutes who apparently just line up along the streets and wait. These children were given lessons in photography, so that they may see the world with new eyes. Let me just tell you that this was the most beautiful movie I have seen in a long time. I myself graduated with a degree in photography (do you hear the horn that I am now tooting?) so I suppose this really was my kind of film. The photographs these children took are remarkable and rival many photographs by renound artists. I strongly suggest this movie to people who want to become pompus indie film whores like myself. I broke down and even purchased the coffee table book Kids With Cameras you can never have too many coffee table books in my opinion. You can see many of these photographs at Kids With Cameras just click on the gallery to see their images or just find out more about their mission (not like creepy cult mission.) Then later that night we ate. The end.

Earth in Bloom

EarthBloom
Originally uploaded by Frankiepancakes.

Okay, so everyone now knows that I am crAzy with a capital A for ADDICTED to knitting. I have completed only a handful of projects but have also started a handful more. This project is a really large shawl in an earth tone yarn and a knitted flower and leaves. It is also a birthday gift for Hope (my boyfriend's other-other brother's fiance-the one I actually get along with.) I have titled it "Earth in Bloom". I'm an artist by nature, it's only natural I name things.

Lime Lash

Lime Lash
Originally uploaded by Frankiepancakes.

Another project I have done are the fun fur scarfs, they only take a few hours to make and it seems as though I have made a million of these, but in reality it has only been 3. Lime eyelash yarn and large needles and voila, a super fly scarf that makes men who wear them look really really gay.

Say it ain't so John Tesh Jr.

Pat O'Brien? You mean that guy that is like a John Tesh Jr. on Insider, only not an alien and he doesn't have a strange cult and he doesn't make elevator music for people who are waiting for the mother ship to arrive is caught for doing what? First Pat takes off to rehab, then we learn about his sexually explicit voicemails and he sent a picture of himself masturbating to his plaything "Betsy," Whoa there buddy, now no one wants to receive that in the mail from anyone. How would you like it if some old crotchety man stroking his jimmy slipped you his little Kodak moment into your mail box. Think about it Pat, just roll it around on your tongue for a while like a fine wine. Do you see what I see Pat? Yeah, it's not cool.

But he has given me the most priceless of all quotes: A source tells us he used to refer to a gay African-American senior producer at "Access Hollywood" as "the Fruit Monkey."

what a twat.

I just thought I would share this

In no way does this have any relevance to life at all, but this memory popped into my mind as I was thinking about my chapstick this morning. I used to date this guy, aside from being the worst human being on the planet (he knows who he is) he once thought that he was a wrestler and in thinking this, he smeared vasoline all over his body for that body glissen that is so glisseny on all wrestlers. I would just like to say that doing this was stupid, and unless you want to slide easily through small air ducts this is quite useless. And now when I apply my gloss every morning I will remember this fool and that vasoline is a bitch to remove.

Another competition where someone is jettisoned into reality TV obscurity

starlet-header
Originally uploaded by Frankiepancakes.

So last night after the days worth of the week long marathon of CSI on Spike ended, I turn to my next favorite past time which is flipping stations. It was very lucky that I did this or I would have missed out on the WBs version of America's Next Top Model, but instead of wannabe models, these are wannabe actresses vying for a chance to be launched into stardom by competing on a reality TV show in order to get a coveted spot on the WBs series One Tree Hill. Wait... did the record just scratch and the music has come to an end, Or did I just hear that these girls are clawing each other to death for something that is no more important than a douch commercial, does anyone over the age of 15 really give a shit about that show? However I was so pleasantly pleased by the cattyness of the girls on this show. Wow, them actresses is bitches! Seriously, when has a reality TV show launched anyone into more that 15 minutes of fame, and by fifteen minutes I really mean just that, the last fifteen minutes after a winner has been named and then it's over. Or if you're lucky enough, as in my favorite show ANTM, I think they caught on to the fact that we are still asking ourselves "Where is Yohanna?" and "Is there only The Surreal Life to fall back on?" So they removed the orange monster that is Jay Manuel and his make-up tip of the week (seriously, I received no help except a shameless plug for cheap and smelly make-up from Cover Girl) and they inserted the last winner Eva PIGford (I hope she changes her name,) you know, to proove that she is famous and actually does stuff, and by stuff, I think the only thing she does and the only thing keeping her in our minds are these stupid Tip of the Week replacements. So any way, no matter who wins this Starlet competition, no one watches OTH that really matters, and this person will forever be known as "and staring the winner of 'The Staret' Jane Doe." Do you get me?

Thank God for church ladies with typewriters

These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services.

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."

Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.

Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands.

The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you. Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

Next Thursday, there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.

The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing: "Break Forth Into Joy."

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.

Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.

The ladies of the Church have cast-off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.

The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."

Next Week on ANTM

Where I would love to address some of the America's Next Top Models of the past, that just won't do, we had the girl who passed out, and last week they made the girl who looks like a fish, actually look like a fish and then they bash her for it.

1. One of the participants contracts a horrifying, contagious skin condition that disfigures her face, and the other models are sent into a complete panic.

2. The girls are transformed using the miracle of make-up for a "Got Milk?" ad.

Say what!? A flesh eating bacteria that disfugures? that is SO going to fuck up her modeling carrer, but her wrestling carrer is still on track. Is there a prerequisite to having strange diseases to be on this show? Not only do they all come in and tell their tragic life stories in hopes that someone will take pity on them and transport them into wherever one is transported after being a contestant on a reality television show. But they make us suffer through their insufferability, what with the mush mouth, and all the walking and squeeling every time Jay Manuel (AKA: the most orange form of space that is just being wasted) and now? Good god... MELTING FLESH!

Let's see there was season one where a contestant suffered from insufferable bible thumping.

Season two, adorable girl with Lupus

Third season there not only was retinitis pigmentosa, but an unavaiodable urge for her to CONSTANTLY bring it up... a lot.

Now I thought we had it made with the girl who colapses, but this totally takes the cake. So let's see, Missing neck... check, XXY chromosome... check, Flesh eating virus... check and check.

I should have your job!

I'm a graphic designer and I mostly spend my time designing things for other people. There are however times where I get artwork for a job from another artist. This translates to me spending 8 hours correcting image size and colours, reconstructing poor logos and wondering how a person can remember to breath every day but doesn't send any images to use (I don't know if this make sense to people not in the design field.) Recently I got a file, I'm not saying who sent it because he does not deserve to have the job he has, and I refuse to play fix-it girl for people who suck, so we'll call him Mr. Suck. Well Mr. Suck sends the artwork, without sending artwork and he needs to create what we call "bleed" this is where the used image or colour runs over the edge of the page for 1/8th of an inch, so that when the product gets cut to size there is no white edge. We call Mr. Suck and say "Dude, how was the ride on the short bus this morning? What the fuck is this crap? This only get's me closer to wasting more of my life on dickheads who call themselves designers." So long story short, he sent files, Well yeah they are useless ofcourse but I don't have the energy to spend my time fixing what he can't do in order to keep him employed.

Venting complete.

The UG

Ugg
Originally uploaded by Frankiepancakes.

Okay, I told myself that I would not let this blog of mine be subject to the same thing thousands of other blogs are dedicated to, and that would be celebrities at their worst. I do have to admit that quite a few of those blogs I have bookmarked. But this I could not ignore.

I would just like to address Mischa Barton, for those you who do not know Misha, she is part of the cast on the OC, and the missing link in the background is her boyfriend Brandon Davis, He is no one actually, I have no idea who he is except he is apparently very rich... and has bitch tits. Mischa, you date a man with bitch tits. That is really all I feel is neccesary to say right now to her.

I have a game, let's play "what are talking about right now". I'll go first:

BRANDON: Why can't I sit with you?

MISCHA: People may see you, remember I'm famous, What if there where people lurking around this private resort right now taking pictures of us? Now wouldn't it be embarasing to see these pictures of us looking creepy in our bathing suits all over the internet for anyone to see? Making fun of us? Wouldn't that suck?

BRANDON: ...

Okay, wasn't that fun!?

So you think you found Jesus

sacred_heart_of_jesus_1
Originally uploaded by Frankiepancakes.

Friday night, I'm happily knitting away at something and the door bell rings. Activate the hyper dog. Well Will goes to the front door and is gone for a while. I'm thinking he was shot and maybe I should hide, or at the very least check on him. So I peer carefully out the peep hole and through the balcony to the front door (we have two entrance doors on a breezeway balcony) I see he's not dead so I don't have to go out into the cold, but he's engaged in conversation with two kids outfitted in standard missionary wear. He can fend for himself and I hide in the television room. This is where I remain as he invites the boys in. What brave little buggers, entering our jesus free home to try to spread the word. They did not succeed needless to say, but they did give us an endearing postcard of our favorite blond AND blue eyed jesus. It makes a great coaster. They left quickly after being offered pizza and refreshments... why so suspicious? It's not like we collect missionaries. I open up my yahoo this morning and it looks as though jesus really is fucking metal.

Jesus is Metal
Originally uploaded by Frankiepancakes

"My songs are God saying things to me, him talking to people. He's going to use me to heal people and people are going to be drawn to it, just watch, they will be," spoken by some guitarist from Korn. um, yeah, good luck with that. Dudes for Jesus

Know Your Flow

new-vinnies-tampon-case
Originally uploaded by Frankiepancakes.

It's that time of month again to remember that being without wings just won't do. So break out the lock away core and some midol cause we'll be here all week.