I didn't know goths were ironic.
16 years ago
Jul 1, 2009
Beowulf
Other than a tape recording of a reading of Beowulf in Gaelic, a language where all I know how to say is “kiss my ass,” I remembered very little about the fable of the great Danish hero who defeated Grendel. Upon watching this CGI film, I clearly didn’t remember the story at all however desired to have been more familiar with to at least make a fair comparison between the two. I was not particularly interested in watching this movie partially due to its needless use of computer generated characters. It was however much more enjoyable than I would have thought, but it was rather useless to have made the whole thing animated, I was lost in the chiclet teeth. PLOT Beowulf is the story of a Viking hero named Beowulf who has come to the aid of King Hrothgar and his village which has been under attack by a beast known as Grendel. Grendel is similar to my upstairs neighbor in that every noise she hears throws her into a crazy cat lady fury and she comes tearing through my condo eating my party guests. With the promise of much gold Beowulf arrives with his ginger friend and promises to rid the village of the monster. One the eve of his battle, they throw a party and Beowulf flirts with the queen before deciding that a fair battle is one that requires him to be naked.
With the death of Grendel, revenge is desired by the mother and Beowulf quickly sets of to defeat the witch but instead of slaying her, he strikes a deal with offers too great to refuse. With the curse of the witch placed upon his head, Hrothgar gives him the thrown and the burden of his conscience.
FINAL THOUGHT Not familiar with the tale, I knew the gist of it and I thought the movie did a fine job not just telling the tale, but revealing the characters. They were clever in writing it so that Grendel was sympathetic and that the humans were in fact the monsters for misunderstanding him and the mythical character of Beowulf was fallible, flawed and quite an unreliable narrator rather than a standard hero. I was pleased with the film and enjoyed it quite a bit, but was constantly distracted with the CGI. There was little to the effects that required a strictly digital cast and the computerized characters themselves were dead ringers for the actors whose voices were used.
Jun 30, 2009
the good, THE BAD, the ugly
I know, you are probably thinking that I put this up to make fun of the Twilight themed tattoo permanently branded on this fine example of someone I would like to think is from fly-over country who will eventually learn to regret her decision when she realizes that they were merely a series of poorly written books by a Mormon about vampires or when she gets fatter because it will look like a bloody mess. But in fact, I am more aghast with her enormous pit stains. Yikes.
Crap I want but don't need
Til the wolves are away
I have a thing for creepy images
Prints by Ali Aschman
Hello Little Bird Print
Erin Zam
S. Darko
I can’t say that we really needed a sequel to Donnie Darko but apparently some thought we did. There was a magic to Donnie Darko that wasn’t captured in Samantha’s story. They tried to use the same premise and made an attempt at the visual style that made the original so appealing, but in the end the only thing that was accomplished was a straight to DVD production. PLOT The story picks up with Samantha Darko seven years after the death of her brother as she and her best friend hop in a car and make their way to California. Along the way they experience the inevitable, and breakdown in Utah where they meet a James Dean wannabe who helps get their car repaired and a hotel to stay in. Once in town, the dreamy Samantha and the rebellious Corey begin to grow apart as Corey finds company with the James Dean guy and Sam begins to sleepwalk. While in her sleepwalking state, a future version of herself appears to a shell shocked soldier from Desert Storm and tells him the world will end in 4 days, 17 hours, 26 minutes and 31 seconds yadda yadda yadda.
Shortly after this prophesy is made, a meteor strikes the very windmill where Mr. Post Traumatic Stress was sitting and thus beginning the story where time travel is indeed possible as long as you are willing to make a sacrifice to make things right.
FINAL THOUGH Where the movie was not outright crappy, it didn’t exactly make any damn sense. Alone it would just be an unusual Science Fiction story, but compared to its predecessor, it was a disappointment. The cast was flimsy at best, and the story line fell victim to a multiple personality disorder trying to use elements from Donnie and trying to write a standalone movie. If you are a Darko fan I would warn you to stay away from this as it will have you questioning your commitment to Sparkle Motion.
Jun 29, 2009
the good, the bad, THE UGLY
Rarely should a person's obsession make it's way onto a t-shirt for all to see, but it should never make its way onto your shoes.
I cannot stress this enough.
Friday the 13th
Great, another crappy re-make of a sequel with one of the stars of the CW’s Supernatural which I totally watch by the way. The movie takes the stance that we are to forget that the 10 movies preceding this one never happened and we are simply picking up many years after the first one graced the silver screen in 1980. Personally I am insulted that I am expected to forget that Jason X ever happened, you know, the one where he is in space, yeah that was a classic.PLOT Opening to a black and white flashback, we see the final moments in the life of Mrs. Voorhees as she is given the beat down and beheaded by a camp counselor while little Jason watches in the reeds. Due to a lack of universal health care, Jason grew up one f’d up dude with a mommy complex and a severe case of angst until he snaps apparently 30 years later and begins to murder those who trespass and fornicate on his property. Why he waited so long is beyond me but continued to bothered me throughout the movie.
So it’s the present and a group of twenty somethings enter Jason’s domain in search of a marijuana grove and pay the price with their lives dun dun dun. When a few more weeks go by another crop of kids arrive at Crystal Lake to enjoy Spring break in Trent’s family cabin when they run into Clay, a young tousle haired boy on a motorcycle who is looking for his sister who disappeared from the area. Jenna, Trent’s girlfriend, takes a shine to Clay because she too watches Supernatural and thinks he’s dreamy, decides to bail on her friends and really crappy boyfriend to help him search the woods and neighboring houses for his sister. Little do they know, Jason is looking for them muahhhahaaa!
FINAL THOUGH Luckily I didn’t expect to enjoy the movie which saved from the crushing disappointment I felt. I ask a lot from my films including the slashers so my opinion may not be fair as this was clearly a an attempt to introduce this genre to people who normally don’t watch horror. The unfortunate side effect of this is that these movies have a tendency to be pussified and completely forgettable. Hell, I’ve forgotten most of it already.
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