My Bloody Valentine

I can sum this movie up in one word; "BAD". That's right, as in "Not Good." I love me a horror flick, but when you make crap and then put it in 3D, you end up with crap that looks like it is coming flying at you, and no one wants that. I know that these movies are formulaic, but I figured out who the man in the mask was when the credits began to roll. And where the valentine motif fit into a coal mine cave in, I have no idea.

So we have a tragedy in a small mining town 10 years ago where a tunnel collapsed and only one survived after shoving his ax thingie into everyones head in order to conserve air for him self. Like you would do anything different. So for some reason the survivor, Harry Warden is in a coma and is put in hospital where he wakes up and takes down the ward with the the ax they left by his bed. You know, for later.

That night a couple of 30 year old teenagers are hanging by the mine that not only Warden worked in, but was owned by the father of one of the unbelievable teens. They go into the tunnel and holy crap, did a 5 year old write this? Oh, sorry, it was the Canadians, sorry eh. Anyway, Warden comes out in a god damn Hazmat suit and shoves his pick into the bag of some expendable character, sending his eye ball in 3D flying for our heads. so, long story short, the kids bail but Tom, the owners kid is left face to face with Warden. Two goofy old cops come in and shoot Warden who takes off leaving our teenager shaken and mentally disturbed. Where could this be going?

Fast forward 10 years and now our thirty year old teenagers look exactly the same, shocker. But with the death of the mine owner, his son has returned to town to sell it. Sparks fly between he and his old girlfriend who is now the wife of the philandering sheriff who was also one of the dudes 10 years ago who left Tom in the mine with crazy ax guy. breath. Well wouldn't you know it, Warden has come back to get his revenge on them and the mine and immediately gets to work shoving his pick into peoples heads.

My eyes felt heavy through most of the movie, but I had to stay wake so I could say "I bloody knew it was who I thought it was, damn predictable movie."