America's Next Top Has-been

Group ANTM
Originally uploaded by Frankiepancakes.

Okay, So the 4th cycle of ANTM has finally begun. I have already decided who is going to be in the final 3. I must say though, that this show is pretty much equivalent to crap, but strangely addictive. The line-up; We have here ladies and gentlemen, 14 girls of moderate attractiveness and obnoxious personalities who's only dream in life... get ready... is to be a top model. WHAT? This is what you desire more than food and air or even a modicum of intelligence!? We began with the introductions to the potentials, everyone had their sob stories, apparently when people get around Tyra or 2 unattractive gay men, they spill more about their personal lives than you would tell a therapist. Well they made their cuts down to 14, we have Brandy, who apparently dons a red knitted helmet of hair her mom made for her (she's kinda like Kojaks' lollipop.) Then there is Brita, aside from a nice name, she is totally forgetable, perhaps Tyra will forget about her too. Next is Brittany, much like a Janice Dickinson on crack she will probably make it to the top 3, I hate her already. Christina, the one affected with "crazy eye" other than my boyfriend who shivered and made a noise of disgust whenever they showed her, no one can win when their eyes are placed on the sides of their heads. Next is Kahlen, also forgetable, but looks a lot like Taryn Manning, They have that thin lipped, grew up in a trailer with a funny unkle look to them. Then there is Kennyah... I didn't even know this girl was on the show. We then have Lluvy (pronounced something like U-V) She is going to be top 3 I bet, once a gang member, she aroze one morning to follow her calling to be yelled at by 2 unattractive flammers to follow her modeling dream. AH Michelle, my favorite, possibly is going to be one of the first 3 to be cut, she is not only missing a chromosome, but she is also missing a neck. Naima, my absolute favorite, I mean she has a mohawk and was named after a John Coltrane composition! Noelle,is blond. Rebecca is also blond and could drive a mini van with kids going to soccer. Sarah... blond. tatiana... I don't remember her. And finally, Tiffany, who applied for last season but shook off the beer in her weave, went to anger management and is trying again... perhaps they'll take her again for ANTM 5. So there you go, 14 BEAUTIFUL women who stand before Tyra, starving for their dream. Next week, they get their hair cut, and then they cry.