So you think you found Jesus

sacred_heart_of_jesus_1
Originally uploaded by Frankiepancakes.

Friday night, I'm happily knitting away at something and the door bell rings. Activate the hyper dog. Well Will goes to the front door and is gone for a while. I'm thinking he was shot and maybe I should hide, or at the very least check on him. So I peer carefully out the peep hole and through the balcony to the front door (we have two entrance doors on a breezeway balcony) I see he's not dead so I don't have to go out into the cold, but he's engaged in conversation with two kids outfitted in standard missionary wear. He can fend for himself and I hide in the television room. This is where I remain as he invites the boys in. What brave little buggers, entering our jesus free home to try to spread the word. They did not succeed needless to say, but they did give us an endearing postcard of our favorite blond AND blue eyed jesus. It makes a great coaster. They left quickly after being offered pizza and refreshments... why so suspicious? It's not like we collect missionaries. I open up my yahoo this morning and it looks as though jesus really is fucking metal.

Jesus is Metal
Originally uploaded by Frankiepancakes

"My songs are God saying things to me, him talking to people. He's going to use me to heal people and people are going to be drawn to it, just watch, they will be," spoken by some guitarist from Korn. um, yeah, good luck with that. Dudes for Jesus

Know Your Flow

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Originally uploaded by Frankiepancakes.

It's that time of month again to remember that being without wings just won't do. So break out the lock away core and some midol cause we'll be here all week.

America's Next Top Has-been

Group ANTM
Originally uploaded by Frankiepancakes.

Okay, So the 4th cycle of ANTM has finally begun. I have already decided who is going to be in the final 3. I must say though, that this show is pretty much equivalent to crap, but strangely addictive. The line-up; We have here ladies and gentlemen, 14 girls of moderate attractiveness and obnoxious personalities who's only dream in life... get ready... is to be a top model. WHAT? This is what you desire more than food and air or even a modicum of intelligence!? We began with the introductions to the potentials, everyone had their sob stories, apparently when people get around Tyra or 2 unattractive gay men, they spill more about their personal lives than you would tell a therapist. Well they made their cuts down to 14, we have Brandy, who apparently dons a red knitted helmet of hair her mom made for her (she's kinda like Kojaks' lollipop.) Then there is Brita, aside from a nice name, she is totally forgetable, perhaps Tyra will forget about her too. Next is Brittany, much like a Janice Dickinson on crack she will probably make it to the top 3, I hate her already. Christina, the one affected with "crazy eye" other than my boyfriend who shivered and made a noise of disgust whenever they showed her, no one can win when their eyes are placed on the sides of their heads. Next is Kahlen, also forgetable, but looks a lot like Taryn Manning, They have that thin lipped, grew up in a trailer with a funny unkle look to them. Then there is Kennyah... I didn't even know this girl was on the show. We then have Lluvy (pronounced something like U-V) She is going to be top 3 I bet, once a gang member, she aroze one morning to follow her calling to be yelled at by 2 unattractive flammers to follow her modeling dream. AH Michelle, my favorite, possibly is going to be one of the first 3 to be cut, she is not only missing a chromosome, but she is also missing a neck. Naima, my absolute favorite, I mean she has a mohawk and was named after a John Coltrane composition! Noelle,is blond. Rebecca is also blond and could drive a mini van with kids going to soccer. Sarah... blond. tatiana... I don't remember her. And finally, Tiffany, who applied for last season but shook off the beer in her weave, went to anger management and is trying again... perhaps they'll take her again for ANTM 5. So there you go, 14 BEAUTIFUL women who stand before Tyra, starving for their dream. Next week, they get their hair cut, and then they cry.

Hang onto your dilustions girls

Top Model
Originally uploaded by Frankiepancakes.

God, I can't believe that I am so pumped for cycle 4 of America's next top reality TV whore. To be awarded with contracts that people would starve for and only be seen again on America's Next Top Model (ANTM) specials on the ever awsome UPN, I mean, UPN really pumps out some winners, they have... whatever I'm sure someone watches something on a regular basis on UPN other than ANTM. I hope this season of ANTM is going to be more promising than last season, maybe the girls won't be as unmodelish, or unattractive and annoying. Whatever. I love it when they have contestants like this: "I am in Harvard business school and going to med school. My main dream in life, aside from ripping my hair out to get into an Ivy League school and then tourture with studies in order to be a better person, is to waste it all in order to stand around like a sad twig and look stoned. Then I can appear on the 7th season of 'The Surreal Life' on VH1." Damn this is going to be great television.

Quizilla

So I am really bored at work, and I really refuse to do anything so I tooka test, I also found out what kind of fucked up barbie I would be at this site (for some reason it was the stripper Barbie...). But anyway, I wondered what kind of girlfriend I am... yes, yes I know already that I am a "perfect" girlfriend, but it's better when a demented internet quiz site tells you this.Quizilla
-Perfect- You're the perfect girlfriend. Which
means you're rare or that you cheated :P You're
the kind of chick that can hang out with your
boyfriend's friends and be silly. You don't
care about presents or about going to fancy
placed. Hell, just hang out. You're just happy
being around your boyfriend.


What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Ever wonder if you could be someone from Napoleon Dynomite?

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Originally uploaded by Frankiepancakes.

So if you get curious, and if you've seen the movie so this test makes sense, go to this link: Napoleon Quiz and have a blast... okay maybe not a blast, it's only 10 questions max and only one page, but it was all worth it to discover that my INNER SOUL is Napoleon Dynomite.

sweet

Lotte

Lotte
Originally uploaded by Frankiepancakes.

So, I experienced the Lotte for the first time. It's a huge Asian mart in what appears to be Little Korea in Fairfax (yes we were the only white people there.) I only bought things is pretty boxes, I haven't a clue what anything was, but I prefer to base the taste and ingredients of a product on its cover art. Who WOULDN"T want this fun cookie and chocolate treat, just look at it!

The OC does it again

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Originally uploaded by Frankiepancakes.

So yesterday was our weekly OC night. We gathered in Suzy's awsome and clean apartment. Her cat very nearly threw up on my jacket. Thank you suzy for saving it. I even brought my knitting. But the thing about the OC is that is speed plotting. They introduce and then do away with every character. Last night they got 3 off in one shot. First season Seth had a girlfriend that randomly decides to move to the East Coast (you know because moving across the country is something you don't need more than a day to plan.) Then there was some phyco guy Oliver that came and went, which was fine by me since he... sucked. Then everyone who was a couple, was a couple no mo'. Then the 2nd season starts, we have new characters for couples who are no longer together. Lindsey for Ryan, Alex for Seth and Marissa, then some guy from Venus (the most unbelieveable boyfriend) for Summer and then a curve ball, enter a haggard and bloatted like a 3 week old corps Kim Delaney to try to break up the Cohen's. Last night... they are all gone, in a blink of an eye. Not only was there rain, the most terrifying natural disaster apparently to the citizens of the OC as no one knew what to do and umbrella's have not been introduced there yet, but suddenly no more new characters. Kim goes lumbering into the woods because she's apparently some VERY important fugitive from the law, for what was it? Stealing a candy bar 20 years ago? Summer ditches her good boy at the airport waiting to go to Italy just to go back to Seth "I talk about myself way too much" Cohen, and duplicate the kiss from the Spiderman movie (come on people, it was hot with Kirsten and Tobey, but the OC rendition made me puke a little.) and well Lindsey decides SUDDENLY to move to Chicago, last week she was all jonesing to be adopted by Grandad Satan, and then she's going to Chicago...? In the middle of the school year...? Speaking of which, we see them go to school (aroud 10am) we see them in the cafeteria Starbucks, we see them show off fashions in the quad, sometimes we see them pull into the parking lot, but has anyone seen them in class? Is school not manditory? When I was in highschool there was homework, you woke up, spent the day in an ugly building, go home do your studies then fall asleep, these people have 48 hour days I suspect or 5 day weekends, there is no way anyone could get into as much shit as they do in only 24 (minus 7 for sleep.) So anyway I digress, and await the next fresh batch of expendable characters to aid this show along at it's break neck speed.

Today is Friday

cjudge
Originally uploaded by Frankiepancakes.

As the headline reads, today is friday. It is the Friday at the end of the slowest week I have ever had to put myself through, it is also the first time isn several months that I have forgotten to go for my therapy appointment. So, I'm kinda detoxing from my anti-depressants as I am lazy and have not gotten another appointment for a refill so there is no one to blame but myself, but have decided that it would be healthy for me to have an arts and crafts obsession, so I have taken up knitting. Last Saturday, I woke up with a desire to learn how to knit a scarf. So on Sunday I bought awsome fuzzy yarn and the needles (um, is there a difference between the needle sizes in relation to the yarn weight?) I also got a little book to show me how to start knitting, and if I choose one of the patters in the book when if I get really crafty, I can make a vest circa 1978 (this I may pass on and just make scarves.) So yeah, I was baffled by their instructions and it took me several hours to learn how to do the starting stitches, and a few more hours to comprehend how to actually knit. But now I can't stop. I am so proud of my scarf. This is what everyone is getting for next Christmas.

So The detoxing... is there a support group for this? There must be, it could be called ADA (Anti-Depressants Annonomous) It's a group of people just weeping uncontrollably, and the sponsor is saying something about how it is your right to hear voices, or to do themselves in while in Todd's bathroom. Hey, I could bring my knitting! "Hi, my name is Taylor, it has been 3 days since my last 'fix' and I can't see straight." I would be welcomed by sobbing self absorbed, neurotic jack-asses.

Why Don't People Think... Then Speak

So the week has made a full circle and here we are agin at Thursday, The notorious OC night, sponsored by PF Changs. The point I would like to address here is that people can be very blind, or just really stupid. One day I was on a shoe kick... or was it a whole week... whatever I had to have pretty shoes. I'm looking around my favorite place to buy shoes, DSW. I checking a fantastic pair with little kitten heels and in the next row I hear a mother berating one of her two daughters that her belly fat is so gross, "it's just hanging over your pants, that's just so unattractive, cover that up, no one wants to see that." So as an amature voyeur, I have to take a gander at the disfunctional family. Shocked I see mom and her two spawn. You know, I understand the whole unattractivness of fat around the waist, but when the person that is skolding you themselves weighs about 350lbs and has to sit while their children look around, that's just wrong. Her kids looked about average by todays sorority girl standard, and if I had seen them with out the lump of fat they called their mother I would not even think to myself that there was anything wrong with them. Even upon closer examination, I thought nothing was wrong... but mom, Dude now SHE needs to be insulted in public a bit more. Parents, if there is something wrong with you, or if you have not been satisfied with your life thus far, it is not your children's job to carry your burden. They will just torture you later, we kids have fine tuned the art of sticking it to our parents, you may not see it coming, but it will be there. We will send you away to retirement homes, we will never visit, send you chocolates with insects in them, then take your money in order to pay for the therapy you have forced us to receive. So fat lady at DSW, you are warned (you will die of obesity anyway,) you could stand to eat a few carrots yourself and shut the hell up.

Thanks for finding my lighter

I am now going to explain to all of those people out there who apparently find it neccessary to plug the words "like" and "you know" into your speaking behavior. Alright, I confess I do it to, but I use it sparingly, as I would with cayanne pepper, or saffron. What I can not handle is when these words are used between every third word in a spoken sentence. Please people, if this how you speak, do not leave your house, do not go in public because you are annoying, you are beyond annoying, you are like the sound of eating bananas annoying, or smacking your mouth on icecream annoying. I was unfortunate enough to be placed in a restaurant next to one of these fools, at first I thought I had just stepped in a pile of Jesus and that I was going to be trapped by someone who would spend the rest of the hour trying to save my soul. I think she was an intern (insert your joke here) and perhaps she was smart, I'm not really sure, but she kept reminding her date that she was ("I wrote the greatest paper on my bowel movement that was the in the form of George W.) Less is more, and by this I mean, less words in a sentence will get the point across. There is not enough time in a day to pick the useless words out to get to the useful ones, you just end up sounding as though you are... "special". I liken this issue with a deep Southern accent, where two more syllables are added to a word which only needs one. By the way I do not know what you mean when you say that something is "over yonder" be more specific please.

I was going to make fun of "Trigger" and a certain something added into her new relationship, but I will bite my tongue on this one. I instead will slip subtle jokes much like mouse droppings, you'll find them where you least want them.

ALERT! ALERT!

cjudge
Originally uploaded by Frankiepancakes.

It has just been brought to my attention, that the dumbass with the hood ornament emblazened upon his forehead in "Stargate" (I prefer my Richard Dean Anderson in a mullet ala MacGyver thank you very much) is a blatant rip off of Ziggy Statdust, just not as ambiguously... male?

um... right...

Its the Dino Gang

Dino
Originally uploaded by Frankiepancakes.

So, last night at our annual OC meeting where we basically just get together every Thursday and watch the OC, the topic of needing nicknames came up. Todd already had one, he is "Scoots" as he has a horibly unpopular habit of rubbing his ass along the carpet when it itches him. I suggested that Suzy's nickname should be something like "Suzi" (you know, with an I) that didn't fly I don't think, not nicknamey enough, or perhaps it was the fact that it was just not very clever, it was shot down anyway. I think the one I've been using for Jessica (compliments of my boyfriend, aka: Irond Will) should be good enough, "J-Carv" that will have to do. Suzy I'm afraid is left to whatever name Jessica gives her, and I know she's given my sister one heck of a mouthful. So on behalf of "The Fridgid Bitch" I would just like to wish Suzy all the luck in the world.

Being Christopher Walken

Cow Bell
Originally uploaded by Frankiepancakes.

LOOK AT IT! YOU WANT TO, I KNOW YOU DO!

Bowie
Originally uploaded by Frankiepancakes.

Look at his package, he want's you to, Ziggy says "Look at my package, it's impressive, and don't forget my awkward lone nipple. Take that Lil Kim, I don't need no pasty! I have a femullet, so what of it mate, Look at my PACKAGE damn you! Bloody hell i'm sexy."

I love Bowie and find that he really can do no wrong... but Ziggy... he... she... um... I love you anyway. I in no way say that I know what is going on in his mind, but since I have a relationship with Bowie that transcends anthing known to mankind, I can say that the above dialogue is probably total bullshit.

Hang onto your panties girls

mulletman
Originally uploaded by Frankiepancakes.

Looks like the mullet is on the prowl, and he's a comin' for you. He desires only a few simple pleasures in life; to make sure his nuts are adequately suffocated, long romantic holidays where you pour chocolate sauce upon his abs (he doesn't spend 3 hours a day in the gym for his health you know) and to feel you running your hands through his lucious locks.

The sad thing here is that the mullet upon his head is just a cherry topped on a sundae. It is no more than an added bit of gay, and he thinks he can do no wrong.

It's Thurday!

OC1
Originally uploaded by Frankiepancakes.

It's Thurday again, this is a great day for many, mainly Jessica and Suzy. But they grew up addicted to 90210. There is no need to explain the OC to anyone, I'm sure it's well known to a great many, and has not yet been cancelled which is a big thing since this is a show airing on FOX and is neither a show titled "When Houshold Goldfish Attack part 3" or a reality show where where the world dumbest but well developed people are on some island resort (since they have no real jobs and can do this) and they fight about who is the bigger slut. The OC is our Thursday ritual. Since last year I have been watching this show with Jessica while we made pasta, mmmm pasta. now we view it at Suzy's apartment which is the coolest trip into the 80's. Bright walls and Prince and David Bowie everything, mmmm Bowie. Can't say I'm a fan of the Point Pleasant that comes on the tele after the OC, I've seen the Omen 1,2 & 3, I'm not impressed with a series featuring actors with the skill of a postage stamp, and God possesed lighthouses, yeah, I got nothing. I am however up for a game of Mario Tennis.

How Cool is this statement?

"This year, both Groundhog Day and the State of the Union Address fell on the same day. As Air America Radio pointed out, "It is an ironic juxtaposition: one involves a meaningless ritual in which we look to a creature of little intelligence for prognostication, and the other
involves a groundhog."

I heart Air America, but it's not as much fun to listen to since the election. I am still weeping about that.

Do the Collapse

Jess_Collapse
Originally uploaded by Frankiepancakes.

So last year I went to Myrtle beach for the first time. It was kinda sucky, Confederate flag everything, people pimping out their golf carts and turning the resort drive into a cruising strip. I also heard what I think is a mating call "Git 'er Done" a lot. Really don't ever want to do that again. However I had a blast with my friend Jessica who invited me. So, I now introduce the gang: Jessica, Suzy and Todd. Well in Myrtle we took a trip to Barefoot on the Whatever where there just happened to be the first mirror maze I have ever been in. The thing about Jess and Suzy is they are best friends and in turn Jessica has a hard time being separated from her... even by a mirror. Panic! we lost Todd and Suzy, Jessica starts to call out for her, relief she sees her and goes running... into the mirror reflecting Suzy... and then to the floor. See above for result.

T_S_J
Originally uploaded by Frankiepancakes.

Suzy and Todd are dating, aren't they cute? I have no story to introduce them with, but doesn't suzy look crazy?

I'm gonna be perdy

Caramel Glaze
Originally uploaded by Frankiepancakes.

My whole plan for the evening, other than hours of Law & Order (Jerry Orbach may he rest in peace) is to try and get my boyfriend to try and help me colour my hair. He helped before, but Will, I adore you, but you were are not gay hairdresser enough, so you can oversee the transformation. So come Monday I will stroll into work with luxurious tresses of Caramel Glaze courtesy of Loreal Paris, that no one will notice. But I'm SO WORTH IT!