the good, THE BAD, the ugly

Did you know that the Mormon Church or Church of Latter Day Saints wear a special pair of under garments called Temple Garments? Oh, and a woman's bra is worn over the sacred garment? Just be glad it's not you.

Temple Garments are believed to do a great many things, the first being that they are a constant reminder to the wearer that their soul is owned by the Mormon cult. Second, along with being considered armor against evil it also holds magical properties that allows the wearer to walk a great distance and knock on many a door without ever acknowledging the phrase "I'm not interested". Last but not least, they represent the fact the wearer is not in fact batshit enough to be a Scientologist.

All things considered I would rather own a pair of Spanx, they at least hold your gut in.

Crap I want but dont need

Leather Tote (also seen in Twilight)
Hated the movie, love the bag.
The Crafty Devil

cream floral silk-cotton 'Sammy' blouse by Sanctuary
I know it's really girly and not my colour, but I love the front ruffles
Bluefly

The Messengers

I had heard that this film was not very good. Where this statement is true, I still find that even though the plot is flimsy and the turn out in the end is lame, I still find myself selecting it from my DVR when I am bored. It could have been a decent movie about a haunted house with scary ghosties. It had quite a few creepy scenes in it that showed promise, but I believe the American audience prefers to see a reason and resolution ending with the protagonist heroic and alive. This is fortunately not found in many Japanese horror films which may be why I find them so refreshing, even if my boyfriend finds them crappy and redundant. Anyway, back to the matter at hand.

The movie begins with a right kerfuffle. An unseen assailant is hunting and ultimately killing the occupants of a farmhouse ending with the small boy who was hiding in a cupboard being pulled into his eventual fate. Then we rocket five years into the present where we find that the Solomon family is pulling up their city roots and planting them on that very same fateful farm to grow sunflowers. It is insinuated that there is a reason other than the father’s dream to grow large yellow flowers for the move. Apparently their teenage daughter Jess, had a little issue with the drinkie-drinkie and got into a little fender-bender with her younger brother in the car. Now, here is the really lame bit, the son hasn’t spoken since. What a pussy.

Once they move in, strange things begin to happen. This mainly takes the form of a shitload of crows that surround the house and on occasion attack the father. The little boy begins to see the ghosts of the house and the angst ridden lush of a daughter falls in love with a vampire… wait, wrong movie. She basically just puts up a fuss about the sounds she hears and over dramatizes everything bitching that her family doesn’t trust her because of one little drunk driving episode that left her brother mute.

The parents are oblivious to the spirits and settle into making the best of this crazy ass idea of growing sunflowers. One afternoon that guy from Northern Exposure walks onto the farm and earns himself a job and a place to stay. The activity in the house turn up to 11 and Jess experiences physical attacks by the things in the house.

I would love to give away this story, but since I kinda like it, I will respect the ending enough to not give it away. It is a very soft core horror story that is suitable for anyone who doesn’t truly like being frightened or if you have a lazy day off of work.

the good, the bad, THE UGLY

Oh sweet Jesus, how many of these things have I walked on after the Boston Marathon? I think I'm going to lose this battle with my gag reflex. Excuse me.

Crap I want but don't need

creme brule bride. locket necklace.
Sea Unicorn

The softest thing in your closet - organic bamboo velor YOGA PANTS AND WRAP SET
I think I want the flat stomach more
Econica

Re-Cycle

I really love me some horror movie, and if you throw in a long haired Asian ghost the merrier I am. So when I see this film by the famed Pang brothers, who to my knowledge have only created The Eye which turned into a touching drama and thus negated anything horrific I had just seen. Re-cycle not only failed to be frightening as it was far more similar to a Jim Henson production, it also pissed me off with its strong anti-abortion message, oh, and it made no sense either.

We meet Ting-yen, a young author who is on a total high after her third book hits the top of the book charts. However in an effort to get away from having to write a fourth book in the romance series, she chooses to write a supernatural story. Her publisher lets the cat out of the bag by announcing her up-coming horror novel before Ting-yen has even begun writing it. At this point I believe that the whole movie has moved into showing what is being written in the novel and not the reality the author is experiencing.

Ting-yen is blocked and writes drafted ideas onto paper and then discards them in the recycling bin of doom. It isn’t until she begins to experience odd sounds, shadows and long strands of hair in her home is she able to begin writing her story. Each occurrence becomes an immediate part of her story until she takes the enters the lift and is deposited into the land where all things go when they have been discarded. She sees large Ferris wheels and rocking horses and even that lost sock from the dryer turning this potential horror into a fantasy waiting for a musical number. While stumbling around she meets an old man and a young girl who offers to help her get to the exit which is apparently on the other side of the hall of aborted fetuses. Get it? All things discarded, which means her traveling companion is her aborted daughter. This is when I rolled my eyes and regretted being excited about this flick.

Gack! What a bummer. I don’t like my horror to have a moral message I personally think that is crossing the line. If I wasn’t as Pro-Choice and Anti-Baby as I am, I’m sure I would not be as repulsed by this action the Pang brothers decided to take. I was absolutely disappointed in this movie, but I’m sure that those of you who have the DVD collection of Kirk Cameron in his Left Behind series will absolutely love this movie.

the good, THE BAD, the ugly

I had never heard of the Korean urban legend known as "Fan Death" until I made friends with a bonafide Korean. Wow, and I thought Americans were stupid in their fear of East Coast Liberals, but of fans? That just takes the bloody cake.

For anyone not familiar with "Fan Death" it is does exactly what it says on the tin. Death by fan is not well known in the US but apparently in South Korea it is one of the five most causes of death in the summer. A fan does not bring upon the death in the manner befitting a horror movie with Jigsaw, but the it has the ability to defy all laws of science and chop up the oxygen in a closed room thus suffocating anyone enjoying the cool breeze. It is widely accepted in South Korea that this is fact and they have gone so far to prevent death by fan that they have installed timers to shut the fans off before death can occur.

My friend also told me of the warning her mother gave her when she went off to college. She stating that if she is to sleep with a fan, to make sure it oscillates since the direct blow of the fan will inevitably deform her face.

Crap I want but don't need

Set of 4 Winter Wine Glasses
I would be devastated if my cat broke one of these gorgeous wine glasses.
Mary Wibis's Shop

Printed Felt Coasters, Set of 4
You know, for those new wine glasses.
Inbound Thread

Max Payne

This was the second time I have seen this movie, not because I liked it, but because the first time I saw it I thought it was so bad that I had forgotten everything about it. So I thought I would re-watch it to reaffirm my first impression. It was not so bad the second time around surprisingly enough, I would not recommend it by any means, but I can honestly say that on a lazy Sunday laying prone on the couch, this was not the worst thing I could have viewed.

The story takes place in New York where a slow, soft snow fall never ceases and a detective by the name of Max Payne won’t shut up about his murdered wife and child. So he chose a desk job in the cold case department because he wanted to pout and blame his partner for not shaking the magic eight ball enough times and finding the killer. Cry me a fucking river, so after a smack down in a train station with some drug fueled urchins, Max heads back to his snitch to tell him his lead was crap. His snitch is some oily ugly weasel with a New York loft one can only dream of where it appears he is throwing a party like it’s 1999. It is at this party that he meets Natasha who has a very small role and an even smaller dress who gets herself torn to shreds in an alley, but not after she goes to Max’s place where she attempts to seduce him but gets kicked out instead. Nice girl, on her way out she lifts his wallet and thus makes Max the prime suspect in her murder.

After Max’s old partner finds a link between Natasha’s tattoo and an identical one found on one of the thugs found in Max’s house during the murder he wastes no time in calling Max and leaving a message that he will meet him at his place where he will conveniently be murdered as well. Anyway, Max is so now in the shit and turns to his father’s ex-partner, BB Hensley who works security for the pharmaceutical company where Max’s wife once worked. By this point you will have figured out who is behind the murders, but for shits and giggles, let’s pretend that Jeff Bridges isn’t playing the character he always plays and move on with this ridiculous yarn.

Max isn’t the only one pissed about the murder of a family member, Natasha’s sister Mona who is completely not believable in her role as a Russian mob boss, believes that Max is the murderer of her sister. But after a heart-felt talk over tea and crumpets, they decide that they should join forces and find out who the real culprit is. Upon investigating the tattoo of the wings found on the various victims it leads them to a blue drug that causes the taker to experience hallucinations of demons and welding sparks calls Valkyr. Hmm, strange body and mind altering drug, a pharmaceutical company bent on success, a pile of dead bodies… yep, it’s anyone’s guess how this turns out.

It is a good role for Marky Mark, he plays a better tough guy than a soulful character and I will give this movie some credit as it is based on a video game. I found the action and visuals entertaining to watch, but honestly, the movie was rubbish for plot.