Nine Dead

I probably would have gotten around to watching Nine Dead eventually even if it didn’t have Clarissa who explains it all in the starring role but it helped. What we have here is a low budget version of Saw sort of, the premise is similar and had the potential of being a good movie, it just had too many things working against it.

PLOT Random Vignettes show a masked man abducting people spliced with constructing a holding cell for the first five minutes. Holey shit! Is that a Baldwin? Wow, you know its low budget when you can’t even get one of the lesser puffy Baldwin’s to appear for more than 10 seconds in your movie. He mumbles something, gets maced, no more Baldwin. Moving on, enter the headlining star, Sabrina the Teenage Witch. I’m sure this makes her very mad and she just wants to be taken seriously as an actress but the moment you televise your wedding for money as she did… I’m sorry, but you have pretty much lost all dignity.

After the shock of seeing just how fat Daniel Baldwin is and that Melissa Joan Hart is still employable, we can now get down to moderately enjoying the movie, but not really.

We open to a cement room and find that 10 people are handcuffed to metal poles arranged in a semi-circle a few feet from each other. Each captive is revealed as the masked man removes each victim’s hood and gag and then the talking begins. Shit. Each captive demands to know why they have been taken when the masked man reveals that they must find out amongst themselves why they are there and will be given 10 minute intervals to bicker before he comes in and kills one of them. He throws them some street chalk which I instantly associate with hop scotch but they use them to write their names on the walls behind them instead. We meet a motley crew of bad actors (all but the guy who played the pedophile, he was awesome) who take a walk down Misdemeanor Lane telling the secret stories of their criminal pasts in order to find the common link between them.

As told, every 10 minutes another captive was shot which was a pleasure to see actually, a mad man holding up his end of the bargain.

FINAL THOUGHT None, the reason they were there was so stupid erased any comprehensive opinion I could have had but in the movies defense, I watched it long enough to find out.