Max Payne

This was the second time I have seen this movie, not because I liked it, but because the first time I saw it I thought it was so bad that I had forgotten everything about it. So I thought I would re-watch it to reaffirm my first impression. It was not so bad the second time around surprisingly enough, I would not recommend it by any means, but I can honestly say that on a lazy Sunday laying prone on the couch, this was not the worst thing I could have viewed.

The story takes place in New York where a slow, soft snow fall never ceases and a detective by the name of Max Payne won’t shut up about his murdered wife and child. So he chose a desk job in the cold case department because he wanted to pout and blame his partner for not shaking the magic eight ball enough times and finding the killer. Cry me a fucking river, so after a smack down in a train station with some drug fueled urchins, Max heads back to his snitch to tell him his lead was crap. His snitch is some oily ugly weasel with a New York loft one can only dream of where it appears he is throwing a party like it’s 1999. It is at this party that he meets Natasha who has a very small role and an even smaller dress who gets herself torn to shreds in an alley, but not after she goes to Max’s place where she attempts to seduce him but gets kicked out instead. Nice girl, on her way out she lifts his wallet and thus makes Max the prime suspect in her murder.

After Max’s old partner finds a link between Natasha’s tattoo and an identical one found on one of the thugs found in Max’s house during the murder he wastes no time in calling Max and leaving a message that he will meet him at his place where he will conveniently be murdered as well. Anyway, Max is so now in the shit and turns to his father’s ex-partner, BB Hensley who works security for the pharmaceutical company where Max’s wife once worked. By this point you will have figured out who is behind the murders, but for shits and giggles, let’s pretend that Jeff Bridges isn’t playing the character he always plays and move on with this ridiculous yarn.

Max isn’t the only one pissed about the murder of a family member, Natasha’s sister Mona who is completely not believable in her role as a Russian mob boss, believes that Max is the murderer of her sister. But after a heart-felt talk over tea and crumpets, they decide that they should join forces and find out who the real culprit is. Upon investigating the tattoo of the wings found on the various victims it leads them to a blue drug that causes the taker to experience hallucinations of demons and welding sparks calls Valkyr. Hmm, strange body and mind altering drug, a pharmaceutical company bent on success, a pile of dead bodies… yep, it’s anyone’s guess how this turns out.

It is a good role for Marky Mark, he plays a better tough guy than a soulful character and I will give this movie some credit as it is based on a video game. I found the action and visuals entertaining to watch, but honestly, the movie was rubbish for plot.