Race to Witch Mountain

For some unknown reason I have a soft spot for The Rock also credited as Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson but now that he is a respectable actor he is going by Dwayne Johnson. I miss the use of his wrestling name in quotations but I don’t have time to dwell while I am being blinded by his big shiny white smile. I recall seeing the trailer for this movie while watching Bolt in 3D with a bunch of geeks who jizzed in their pants when the minute and 30 second trailer began to play. Never having seen the original or read the book, I didn’t give a shit.

Well, drawn in by Dwayne’s hypnotic white grill I had to see what the excitement was about. It was an average action/adventure movie suited for a family with wee little ones, not for a thirty-something with a zombie addiction.

The introduction floods us with headlines of UFO sightings and past Presidents yammering away about aliens or blue dresses or something. When a couple of Storm Troopers climb into the back of a cab driven by Jack “The Rock” Bruno. Seems that Planet Hollywood is hopping in Vegas which must be due to a very considerable advertising and product placement budget. The only other fare we see is that of Dr. Alex Friedman, a washed up scientist that makes a buck by touring UFO conventions and tries to legitimize UFO sightings to dudes in Star Wars costumes. She throws him a pamphlet and tells him to come in and enjoy the show while she’s there.

The next day, Jack “The Rock” Bruno gets in a scuffle with two big dudes who are hired muscle, this part of the story never really completes itself so just ignore the tangent and focus on the aliens in the back seat of his cab. Obviously Seth and Sara are the aliens that were involved in the large UFO crash that no one but the military knows about. Handing Jack “The Rock” Bruno a wad of cash for his driving abilities they hire him to take them into the desert. All the while, the military is using some master computer to zero in on their precise location in a manner of seconds, where were they when we were looking for W.M.D.’s?

Shortly after this part the shit hits the fan. Jack “The Rock” Bruno drives them to the desert where they are chased by the military dudes in gas guzzling SUVs. They lose them due to some awesome trick Seth does where he goes through solid matter and stops the gas guzzler with his hand. Once at their destination, the kids pick up the results of their parents science experiment that has been placed in a glowing blob in a cellar over run by foliage. It is here that the intergalactic assassin appears to prevent the kids from returning to their planet with the information that was gathered in the giant blob.

After this there is an endless stream of sparks, a lot of running, and telepathy. It’s a family movie so it ended happily without a drop of blood. I am still muddling over in my mind whether I liked it or not. I thought it was fun without being too taxing on my brain, but still lacking something, it was like it was like eating French fries without the ketchup, it’s good, but better with condiments.