Splinter

Splinter has been out for a year and recently popped up on the SyFy Channel’s “31 Days of Halloween” this past weekend, no worries, I’ve seen it twice since its release. For what it is, Splinter is a scare the piss out of you creature-feature made for cheep and containing a cast of less than six.

PLOT We are introduced to the Splinter fungus/creature rather immediately as we watch a gas station attendant get mauled by a prickly badger or whatever the fuck it is before we meet the relevant cast in this movie. Seth and Polly, our couple du jour are driving into the wilderness on an expected romantic camping trip but a busted tent and a car-jacking put a stop to their plans of sex under the stars. A recently escaped convict and his cracked out paranoid girlfriend stop the couple along the road and after waving a gun around they take refuge in the car and begin to direct Seth and Polly to drive to like Mexico or something. When they hit a splinter bunny or whatever and Dennis the convict pricks his finger on a splinter in the now flat tire and the googly eyed girlfriend has a meltdown and is convinced that the now flat critter in the road is her long dead dog. Seriously kids, drugs fuck you up.

Anyway these bitches roll up to a gas station only to find the corpse of the moderately still living attendant from the intro hanging in the toilet. Looking seriously gross as splinters have burst through his skin, he attacks the bug-eyed meth-headed girlfriend ripping her apart. Really awesome, am I right or what? So, the loving couple and the convict take refuge. The convict gets a bit nutty about trying to save the pieces of his girlfriend and the impossible couple get all scientific about how to do battle against… splinters, while the convict slowly loses his hand to the prickly fungus.

FINAL THOUGHT Seriously creepy for a movie. The magic of this movie came from not only the cast, but from the confinement of these three people fighting against a terribly smart piece of wood. It created a sublime amount of tension between the characters and the creature which progressively became more advanced and horrific as the movie progressed. An absolute recommendation, it just goes to show one does not need a lot of money or a huge cast to produce something terrifying and enjoyable.