Eagle Eye

Apparently some people enjoyed this flick, as seen by the amount of starts they gave it on IMDB. However, Rotten Tomatoes agrees with me that this was a god damn waste of time. Shame on you Spielberg! I spent the entire time rolling my eyes and shouting “What the fuck?!” and “You are bloody kidding me!” at the screen. This is an action movie for those who love those James Patterson novels, poorly written with an inconceivable plotline.

Where do I start? So somewhere in Iraq, a terrorist suspect is being tracked by the US Government. After using several different camera tricks, like snap the suspects image when he answers his phone even though the camera is on the back of the phone and a model airplane that no one notices flying overhead they are able to construct that this bearded man MIGHT be the bearded man they are looking for. But a computer tells that that this is only a 51% match and the mission must be aborted. The president allows it and boom.

We meet Jerry Shaw, the kid from Even Stevens all growed up. He’s just lost his twin brother and we get the gist that he is the black sheep of the family, as seen by his scruffy facial hair. For no reason at all, his bank account is loaded with money and a shit load of stuff arrives at his apartment and his mobile rings and it’s the bitch from my GPS system telling him that in a matter of seconds the FBI will arrive at his place. Jerry is arrested and interrogated before the GPS system lady arranges his miraculous escape.

Somewhere in the Mid-West, Rachel Holloman is putting her obscenely freckled son on a train that apparently takes four fucking days to get to Washington D.C. where he and his fellow students will play the national anthem for the Senate or something. While Rachel is partying it up with her bestest friends she gets a phone call from the mysterious voice giving her elaborate instructions or she will derail her son’s train.

From this point on, it just gets more and more ridiculous. Jerry and Rachel are pawns in this intricate scheme created by a “super computer” who is trying to kill the president and his cabinet because they did not abort the missile strike against the bearded suspect and now she’s pissed. What is more ridiculous than this being possible, is that this “super computer” named Ariia, is able to manipulate anything electronic in the world that is on a network including traffic lights and power lines, which she already used to kill those who disobey her, but she still needs to create a convoluted plan using a network of civilians.

W.T.F.?