The King of Kong

I really like documentaries that point out and exaggerate something or someone I can hate. The King of Kong introduced me to Billy Mitchell, a Grade “A” douche bag. Oh, and to sniveling minions, I hate them too.

The King of Kong is a documentary about the holder of the highest record in Donkey Kong. For way too many years the crown rested on the head of one mulleted Billy Mitchell. An arrogant son-of-a-bitch who dons patriotic ties, arranges for publicity photos with models, makes what is most likely a shitty hot sauce and claims his initials are U.S.A. Don’t you hate him already?

So, out of work Steve Weibe, who could be the kindest most patient person who never actually accomplished anything, wants to break the record. Little did he know, Mitchell has no intention of letting someone beat his score from 1982. Weibe buys the arcade game and sets it up in the garage. By using his engineering ability and having recently been bitten by a radioactive monkey, Weibe plots out the patterns of the game and annihilates Mitchell’s score. Having caught it on tape while his son is in the background crying that he is about to shit his pants, Weibe submits the video to Walter Day who is the keeper of the records, and an asshole who spends all day dressed like he works at foot locker. They judge the tape and reluctantly break the news to Mitchell and quietly announce to anyone concerned that Weibe is the new champion.

Apparently, if you reach I high score on an arcade game over 25 years ago, you can make any pimply 40 year old virgin do your bidding, you know, if they get permission from their mother first to stay out later than 9pm. Well Mitchell gets one of his butt monkeys to fly out to the West coast, break into Weibe’s garage, and then take apart the machine to see if he had it rigged. What I can’t believe is that Weibe didn’t call the police. But anyway, the two dudes discover that the circuit board was bought from Mitchell’s rival “Mr. Awesome”. But because the board was provided by “Mr. Awesome” Weibe’s score is not recognized. This is where I ask why Weibe didn’t just let this little clique continue their circle jerk and walk away.

Unfortunately Weibe doesn’t and a battle for the title ensues. You will come to loath Billy Mitchell, the desire to stab a bitch will be stronger than you ever felt it before. See this movie if you need your blood to boil, or see this movie because it is absolutely fantastic, this is what documentaries should be.