America's Next Top...(Insert humor here)

So the 50th season of Americ'a Next Top Model (ANTM) premiered last night. 2 Hours of screaming girls who for some reason just go out of their heads crazy happy when they see the Florida Orange that is Jay Manuel. No one should get that excited about Jay... No one! The first hour we are introduced to the 30 something semi finalists who beg and cry to get to the next cut. We see a stream of girls who can't walk teeter around on their heels and say things like "I want to be a Top Model because my mother never loved me (start the waterworks)" and then we see some girls who I think were only there as a cruel joke. One nameless twig replies to Tyra's soul searching question "Why do you want to be a model" with "I want my hair done, I want my nails done, I want my make-up done... I just want to be just like you Tyra." And my favorite was the girl who wanted to save the world and little orphans by giving her contract money to a 3rd world country or some charity because sh'e not all about that superficial stuff, and *snap* Tyra cuts in by pointing out her bling and Prada shoes and then was asked when the last time she donated her time to charity. How does the girl reply? "Forget what I just said." This is all so awesome.

Blah blah blah it's narrowed down to 20, there's a runway show where one girl can't stay upright and another can't figure out whether to walk like a man or a woman and tries to do both (gruesom). blah blah blah narrowed down to 13. There are tears from some of the girls who's hopes and dreams are now dashed, you'd think the only way to become a model is through the almighty alienesque Tyra Banks, try pounding the pavement and going to agencies if you want it that badly. Whatever.

So now there's the thirteen to start us off on this rollercoaster of of model fun. I don't really remember all that much from the second hour after they made their final choices. All I can say is this is going to be the bitchiest and most tear staind season yet. Here's to more episodes of "my life as a top model" with "What ever happened to" Naima, to more tears shed over getting their hair cut, and here's to the new judge Twiggy (who was introduced as the model who drew eyelashes on her face, and they were known as "twiggies".) Long live false hopes and cat fights.