The tooliest tool that ever did tool

This is going to dedicated to the biggest tool I have ever seen. Now I trust A&E to show the shows that I believe with educate me, even enlighten me; but it seems that I am proven wrong.

Our cable TV was finally hooked up last weekend and my days in bliss began. The new season of Ghost Hunters began on SciFi, and so did the heckling from William... until a commercial aired about Criss Angel Mindfreak. And my belief in A&E came crumbling down like the Berlin Wall. William jumps for joy and insists that we hang around to watch this guys "magic" show (I use quotes because it is all bullpoo.)

Now I have been through many transformations in my life; I was bohemian as a child, preppy in my puberty, grunge in my adolescence, punk during my college years and now I'm back to bohemian and eclectic. What I seem short in patience for is goth. When it comes to "Goth" I am at a loss. I have very little tollerance for those that believe in vampires and the occult or even wiccan or basically anyone who says things like "pain is pleasure" or embraces death as "the next real level". I am not frightened by them, just really really humored. Now seriously people... vampires? WTF? You have got to be kidding me!

Now back to the "Mindfreak" that is Criss Angel (who's name I'm guessing he got from Joss Whedon.) Now here is a bloke that probably was picked on a youth, probably from Jersey and decided the way to get chicks that are not at all particular was to buff up, goth out, and watch The Crow about a million times (because you know he did.)



I can't tell if this guy is trying to be as homoerotic as he possibly can, or if he really really loves himself. So we watched this show, and I have never laughed as hard as I have at something that is supposed to be dramatic. From the opening credits; Oh the opening credits were pure genious, a goth metal self titled music track, poor special effects, and a director that must believe that he is somewhere between Burton and Lynch. Little vignettes between commercials and pivital scenes where Criss Toolbox poses for camera like Brandon Lee. And overly dramatised Houdini magic tricks, Criss should really get his own schtick.

Anyway, he's on A&E Wednesdays at 10pm. and I leave you with this little gem.



Man I really don't like this guy.