frankie's pancakes

Pontypool

2011-11-07T11:31:00.000-05:00

It has been so long since I have seen a horror movie that has made me say "See! They aren't all crap!" which honestly I don't get to say enough. Ah, but Pontypool, you have redeemed the horror genre and thrown up the horns for the Indie film crowd. Pontypool is, for lack of a better term, an absurdist zombie movie. Yay!

PLOT Dark, snowy, cold as nuts Pontypool Ontario where Honey the cat has been missing until seen last Thursday. What does any of this mean? I actually still do not know but the narrator leads us into the movie with this bit of small town news as our radio jockey drives into work. Pulling to a stop, Grant Mazzy dressed as a ridiculous cowboy is startled by a woman who approaches his car window and disappears repeating the words Mazzy last spoke. Not knowing what to do, Mazzy continues on and arrives at a small radio station manned by "Homecoming Hero" Laurel-Ann and station manager Sydney.

As Grant settles in with the microphone he begins to upset Sydney with some of his old "Shock Jock" tricks until their weather/traffic man Ken calls in and describes a mob scene he is witnessing. There are some "Oh, God no's" and "Oh the humanity's" before Ken is cut off. Hot Diggety Dog, we got ourselves something to talk about now! scrambling for word on the situation, Sydney and young Laurel-Ann filter incoherent calls which end in more "Ahhhhh *clicks*" while Grant airs the singing talents of some white folk dressed as Middle East terrorists, one of whom starts to display some very unusual behavior. Well the Ali Babas or whatever they were called are dismissed and then things get really interesting when the radio signal is hijacked by a broadcast in French when translated warns against terms of endearments and baby talk or something before warning against translating the message into English. Oops, too late.

Ken calls in every few minutes with more obscure news and Laurel-Ann begins to imitate the tea kettle whistle before repeating the word "miss" and then eats her face. It's good fun for all. Our two survivors Sydney and Grant soldier on attempting to either avoid or come to some sort of understanding as to what is happening to the residents of Pontypool.

FINAL THOUGHT For a zombie movie that took place in one room and had a lot of talking, I am in love with Pontypool. Oh, Canada. Only you could be ground zero for a language based zombie virus. I still wonder if damn Honey the cat had something to do with this whole mess.

Attack the Block

2011-07-28T12:29:00.002-04:00

So a friend scored us tickets to a screening of Attack the Block and first I was hoping it was another British zombie romp but after watching the trailer I discovered it was a British alien romp with that guy from that other movie... the one with the zombies. After a moment of disappointment, I picked up the pieces of my undead heart and headed off on an orange scooter to catch the flick.

PLOT Apparently the South of any City is where the ghettos are located and London is no different. Fireworks are exploding as what I can only assume was on Guy Fawkes day also national mug a girl on the street day as a gang of 5 adolescent chavs hold up poor nurse Sam on her way home. Dicks, right? Well whatever 'cuz something falls from the sky and lands on the car right next to simpering Sam and she runs off. Not bothered by the falling airplane poo or whatever it could have been, Moses, the leader, wiggles his way into the broken car window to lift any valuables. Then holy shit this thing pops out of the glove box... or somewhere (man British cars are confusing) and escapes, but not after giving Moses the best fucking face scars. Well, he's not taking that laying down so they track the critter, kill it and then drag it through the 'hood and up to the "block" (that's what the cool kids call the apartment building, clever.)

As they hang out in a very sexified Nick Frost's pot den there is some marble mouthed dealings going on between Moses and some guy's name I never really did catch and off in the distance little aliens drop from the sky. Lucky it was Guy Fawkes day or the explosions just might rouse some suspicions even if the fiery holes left by the space droppings went completely unnoticed. What didn't go unnoticed was Sam's mugging. Sam and the Police drive around in a little van looking for the hoodlums that mugged her. Well luck for her, the po-po roll up and catch Moses at just the same time the aliens show us what they are really all about, and they are fucking awesome.

Seeking shelter they all end up in the Block, which as the title suggests is now under attack and it is up to these five, slightly unlikable and mildly incoherent kids and one nurse Sam to defend from the onslaught of alien beings.

FINAL THOUGHT The British always seem to get it right. The perfect combination of action, humor, fear, gore, shiny track suits and non human characters. I know the characters were little thieving and drug dealing shits but I couldn't help but root for them over the creatures.

*sigh* I love the British.

OMFG, Really?

2011-07-25T12:49:00.000-04:00

And people are surprised?

the good, the bad, THE UGLY

2011-06-28T16:15:00.000-04:00

OMFG! You just LEFT the public restroom without making sure that everything did indeed get flushed? And thanks for the random skid mark in the middle, well done!

THE GOOD, the bad, the ugly

2011-06-24T15:52:00.002-04:00

How embarrassing, I am wearing the same thing. right. now.

the good, THE BAD, the ugly

2011-06-22T15:45:00.001-04:00

I think this image pretty much speaks for itself.

Oh, and happy birthday Liza. I hope it was as magical as this is.

The Human Centipede

2011-01-02T21:46:00.000-05:00

I promised myself I would have nothing to do with this film but last night I crumbled. It was either the Gin and Tonics or the persistence of my BF (who actually wanted to see this film) that made this viewing seem like a really good idea. To be honest, I only actually saw about 70% of the movie, the other 30% was me watching the palm of my hand after slapping it to my face. Oh my god, this movie was fucked up.

PLOT Typical way to start any torture film, take a few tourists, put then in Germany (W.T.F. guys, why is is always Germany?) add a wacky doctor and you have the general framework for The Human Centipede.

We open to meet out wacky Doc stroking a photo of three rottweilers who are linked by the bum like a lover would. He gazes at these poor photo-shopped creatures until a trucker pulls over to "drop the kids off" when our doctor shoots him with a tranquilizing gun aaaaaaaaaand roll the title opening and the introduction to our unfortunate tourists. Typical dumb bitches on a European trip getting ready for the disco drive off with shitty directions and don't consider that they are lost until they hit mile marker one million on a dark empty road to nowhere. This is where the torture of the movie actually begins. They get a flat tire and like any typical motorist in the middle of nowhere they get out to look at the flat, they yell at the flat and even kick it for good measure but don't actually change the flat. This isn't even brought up until they exhaust all other methods of not using either brain or muscle matter. Actually, it appears that tire changing is similar to astrophysics for these girls and will not be occurring in this movie and instead they venture off to find help. Kill me now. They don't actually follow the road and instead choose to wander blindly, in heels, through the dark forest. Oh my god they so deserve to be sewn to each others asses.

After all of the possible poor decisions they could possibly make are exhausted, they come across a light in the darkness, fate has brought them to crazy Doctor Sewyourfacetoanass. After being invited in and asking to have a car service called (I know, it hurts) they are inevitably drugged by the kind glass of water the doctor offered them and wake up in medical beds with loose bindings and a fat trucker who is then disposed of for a bit of Asian flair. They cry, plead and beg but much like the flat tire don't try to unbuckle their bindings. So being the dumbasses that they obviously are, they sit through the lesson that will haunt my dreams for the rest of my life. Doctor Crazyasfuck explains his mouth to ass procedure which is so... gross I have no words to describe how I am feeling. Oh my god, finally one of the stupid tourists starts to realize that this shit is getting real and maybe she should have tried to change the flat tire but will instead nut-up and break free of her feeble bindings which is accomplished in about 10 seconds as the doctor is right next to the bed. Hopefully she was also thinking that she should have tried that sooner but anyway does actually escape but instead of getting help. comes back to retrieve her unconscious friend and wakes up with her friend attached to her ass and an Asian attached to her mouth.

By this point you either turn this crap off or forge ahead as I did. Well, they are not really all that pleased to be in this situation and spend the next 45 minutes crying into one an others back sides while the doctor trains them to get his news paper and eat each others poop. At this point you know that even if they are saved they are still fucked. Perhaps this is the thing that made this movie unbearable, there was really no reversing the operation and returning to normal and therefore escape or revenge upon the doctor is not as sweet as I would wish it to be... and our two American tourists will never realize that changing a tire is no more complicated than setting the VCR to record. Wait, do those still exist?

FINAL THOUGHT If you can't get chicken pox more than once, I will never need to see this movie again... right?

THE GOOD, the bad, the ugly

2010-08-30T20:34:00.000-04:00

A girl, her dog, and his chicken.

THE GOOD, the bad, the ugly

2010-08-27T18:58:00.000-04:00

Hey! By Christmas, great things are coming in bears... in 3D...Do you think the marketing guy was in on this?

...Dunki Nuts... oh I get it.

Best finds in Boston.

Boston Ramble

2010-08-23T19:46:00.001-04:00

This weekend we had a mega ramble through Boston with some friends from Tex-ass. A ramble is basically a drinking walking tour through different neighborhoods in the city. Areas we hit included Union Sq., Inman Sq., Harvard Sq., Central Sq., Back Bay, Boston Commons, the South End and then all the way back home.

Shown clockwise is our friend from Tex-ass John with a complete stranger dressed like George Michael; Missy and Daniel; John again with his lady Virginia; and cougar magnet Dereck... I just noticed my friend Ben did not get his picture taken... sorry Ben.

Farmer's market in Union Sq.

Sunflowers in the city

"Nantucket Rapist Island" who knew...

Harvard Sq. & South End

Cheers!

images courtesy of engineer boyfriend's iPhone.

Daily Memory

2010-08-23T18:29:00.000-04:00

It's electric
Boogie woogie, woogie

the good, THE BAD, the ugly

2010-08-23T17:10:00.000-04:00

This is not so much my experience, but of the friend that I was with.

Recently my friend ended up getting a disastrous hair cut at another salon and was looking for a new place nearby to correct it. Well, this salon is close to our office and we went down to check it out during lunch. What a joke!

We walked in to see only one customer, an elderly lady having her 'helmet" coiffed and no one else. We approached the receptionist who didn't even put down her book when she asked what we wanted not if she could help mind you. Well my friend goes on to ask if they have any stylists who work with curly hair and before she could continue the woman behind the counter who STILL had not put down her book snaps "you don't have curly hair!" when my friend went to explain that it was simply pulled back in a bun the woman then smacks her gums and says "it's not as curly as most people with curly hair." WTF?

The fact that we continued to stay is beyond me as the whole situation just got worse when she continued on her quest to truly provide the WORST customer service in West Roxbury by rambling on about how many years she's worked there (how is that possible with this attitude?) then identifying the nationality of each stylist as if it's the bloody U.N. and finally let us know that my friend is to blame for her bad hair cut.

My friend had been patient and tolerant the whole time with this woman but had enough and when we thanked her she swiveled around in her chair and simply snaps "yeah" as though I could not have figured out that she was ghetto trash.

We left, tore up the business card and looked at each other as though we just couldn't believe what happened. If the receptionist is this crappy, I can't even imagine what a hair cut would look like. Three words; 1) Oh 2)Hell 3)No.

Prince of Persia: Sands of Time

2010-08-20T10:59:00.002-04:00

This should come as no surprise to anyone, but I really like mindless action movies, especially ones based on video games and when I heard that Prince of Persia was being adapted I thought “I want to go to there.” Much like my favorite movie, Doom, Prince of Persia: Sands of Time knew what it was and didn’t try to be more than that, it was a light hearted action fantasy with a lot of sand… and Bubble Boy.

PLOT A narrator gets everyone who hasn’t played the video games a little back story about the protagonist who turns out to have been a street urchin named Dastan who the king saw one day and thought that he had moxie and adopted him into the family. Well Dastan grew up with the king’s two moxie deficient sons and like all imaginary families he was welcomed and loved as one of their own. But not all is well in Persia as the neighboring sacred city of Alamut is selling weapons to enemies, like we do, and they plan for an attack that Dastan leads with his monkey wall climbing skills. The city is taken over and Dastan’s brother plans to take the Princess Tamina of Alamut as his bride. Everything goes downhill for Dastan who now holds in his possession a very magical knife that pretty much everyone wants and after he was tricked into gifting his father with a cloak that was made with acid thus killing him, he and Tamina go on the run together.

On the first night of their journey, Dastan discovers that the knife manipulates time. By pressing the jewel at the top, cool swirly things cause the rewind button to be pressed. Thinking that this would be the proof needed to clear his name he could show this to his uncle proving that that this was the reason that the attack on Alamut happened and the weapons were planted to fool the Persians. Tamina who is the guardian of the knife is constantly lifting it from him so that she might bring it to sanctuary where it would be safe from evil doers like Dick Cheney… I mean Dastan’s uncle.

FINAL THOUGHT It was formulaic and fluffy but I have an undeniable urge to watch it again. Prince of Persia, I just can’t quit you.

Scott Pilgrim vs. the World

2010-08-17T11:55:00.001-04:00

Scott Pilgrim vs. the World can be summed up in one word; Hipster. Whether you love hipsters, hate hipsters, are a hipster or have no clue what a hipster is, one thing is obvious; this movie rocked… or whatever. Scott Pilgrim was created first as a graphic novel which is the neck beard way of saying “comic book” for grown-ups by Canadian Cartoonist Brian Lee O’Malley. Never understanding the concept of comic books (words or pictures people, you can’t have both!) I knew squat about the story but that was unnecessary as I only needed a basic knowledge of Old School video games, Rock and Hipsters and have at least one working eye.

PLOT The plot is simple, Boy likes girl, girl has seven evil exes, boy fights evil exes and how much do you want to bet that someone with a PBR tattoo is thinking “I am totally going to start my own League of Evil Exes.”?

We meet our protagonist Scott Pilgrim Played by Michael Cera who is basically playing Michael Cera, as he is defending his new 17 year old high school girl friend to his fellow Sex Bob-omb band mates (yes, named after the adorable little bomb in Mario Bros.) Ah the flush of new love and an overage hipster with his Asian underage girlfriend. Anyway, Knives Chau, other than having the best name, becomes quickly wrapped up in the glow of older-in-a-band-boyfriend and is instantly Sex Bob-omb’s first and biggest fan. All is working well for our couple until Scott has a dream about a pink haired beauty in rollerblades. Things get complicated for Scott when he discovers that this dream girl is one Ramona Flowers and once he meets her he is immediately smitten… oh poor Knives.

Ramona is perfect for our Scott who is now faced with the task of dumping a high schooler and after “skimming” over an email from one of Ramona’s evil exes that he will have to defeat them in order to get to Ramona or something. The first confrontation occurs at the Battle of the Bands when Mathew Patel arrives to little fan-fair as Scott deleted the email after being to bored to finish reading it but miracle of miracles, a fight ensues and for a waif of a guy Scott turns on his inner Ryu and kicks ass. Adorably with each defeat he earns points and coins ala Mario.

The brilliance of the Evil Exes is that each one is a caricature of someone considered “really cool”. We have the action star/skateboard champ played by the Human Torch. And who knew being a vegan gives you super powers? We’ll our third evil ex did, hey, didn’t he play Superman? Followed by her “curious” phase when she dated a lady followed by two Asian DJ’s and finally, the one that she could never really have.

FINAL THOUGHT This movie is clearly for the younger/Gen-X crowed as everything would be lost on a baby boomer. Scott Pilgrim was a feast, with its nostalgic charm, remarkable action sequences and the magical dialogue the viewer will most certainly see themselves or someone they know in one of these many characters. I am pretty sure that I was Julie Powers, the one with the censored potty mouth.

the good, THE BAD, the ugly

2010-08-13T10:32:00.000-04:00

It was a bit of a toss up between BAD or UGLY today but just when I thought that Arizona could not get any more heinous, up pops another Bush (the first one) remnant in the form of Dan Quayle's son, Ben. So I am trying to figure out if the man who is the spawn of the worst vice president has any right to to make the claim that Obama is the worst president? Really? I think it is simply time for him to shut-up and sit down.

Little factoid: When we moved to Virginia from London I was told that Ben had been a student the previous year at the middle school I was attending. The reason why was removed not because he was the son of the vice president, but because he was picked on relentlessly by his peers regarding his fathers almost constant moronic moments. I think like "W", Ben may have a few daddy issues of his own he needs to work out. Why can't he do it in therapy or a crack den like a normal person and spare us from being subjected to yet another retarded politician?

THE GOOD, the bad, the ugly

2010-08-12T20:45:00.000-04:00

Best Google random search image E-V-E-R!

THE GOOD, the bad, the ugly

2010-08-09T20:28:00.000-04:00

For those who don't know me, I am vision impaired and have been since high school. That is until my fabulous birthday gift was redeemed. My fabulous and generous and thoughtful boyfriend gave em the gift of sight in the form of Lasik Surgery. Having never been able to afford this operation myself he decided to gift it to me. and what a gift it is, 4 days after the operation I can see already at 20/15 and yell out street signs that are far away to strangers on the street.

If you can stand the smell of smoking eyeball, you too can have corrective laser eye surgery! I realized later that this is why they give you Valium.

The Rose Cocktail

2010-08-09T18:43:00.002-04:00

Aptly named for it's rose-like colour and created in the early 1920's, the Rose Cocktail is a sweet summer mix made out of far too many ingredients if you ask me, but it was easy to drink and worthy of a second.

1 oz gin
1/2 oz dry vermouth
1/2 oz apricot brandy
1/4 oz lemon juice
1/4 oz grenadine
Combine the ample amount of ingredients with ice in a cocktail shaker and mix well. Serve in a cocktail glass and garnish with a cherry.

Hepburn Trousers

2010-08-08T13:50:00.000-04:00

No one could wear a pair of high waisted slacks like the icon of all icons, Katherine Hepburn. I fell in love with her glamour and moxie the moment I watched Bringing up Baby with the man of my dreams, Cary Grant. After extensive internet searching, I finally found a pattern of her iconic trousers, I only hope I can do them and her justice.

the good, THE BAD, the ugly

2010-08-04T14:53:00.000-04:00

If my obsessive disdain for the Twilight franchise wasn't enough, Barbie had to create a line of mongoloid dolls to represent these simpering Mormon twits. One major fail, Bella looks far too perky and let me see if I have this right, Jacob is a poor Native American living on reservation and therefore can't actually afford a full wardrobe. Well if you are a character that ends up falling in love with an infant, I repeat, AN INFANT one should just be thankful that Barbie made these dolls eunuchs and pass the toy isle completely when shopping with a 'tween.

Goat's Delight

2010-08-01T19:41:00.001-04:00

Looking for a cocktail with five ingredients? Look no further, here is the Goat's Delight named for no one knows what but for a drink with this many liquors, you would think the taste would be more complicated. In fact it is a smooth and subtle concoction that leaves you a bit lightheaded in the end.

3/4 oz brandy

3/4 oz kirsch

1 oz cream

1/4 oz orgeat

1/4 oz pastis

Combine everything into a shaker with ice and shake vigorously to prevent the cream and orgeat from collecting at the bottom of the glass.

A day at the beach

2010-07-31T23:40:00.000-04:00

Today the weather was so perfect in Boston that our friends invited us up to a beach in Ipswich MA. called Crane Beach. Other than the astronomical parking fee which I never once had to pay at a beach in VA. we ooooh'd and ahhhhhh'd at the perfection of this place. So it was full and we forgot to bring beer we all agreed that this was a perfect day.

My new 1940's bathing suit.

Every button including the straps need to be unbuttoned when visiting the little girls room. Seriously, fashion is hard.

Our friends Patrick and Virginia.

So Patrick (seen above) decided to show his Southern roots for the camera and decided to white trash it up, but the tattoo over his heart of the state of Virginia is for his wife Virginia. Sweet right?

Virginia's angry art.

Me enjoying a strawberry.

Corpse Reviver #1

2010-07-29T08:27:00.000-04:00

I love the fact that there are cocktails that have been created specifically for the effects of drinking to much the night before. The Corpse Reviver actually has 3 iterations and they are all numbered for convenience, which is nice when you need the hair of the dog that bit you and you want zombie themed choices.

Looking up this recipe on the internet lead me to some interesting mixes but I'm going to direct you to the below measurements which are from a reputable cocktail book from the 1930's when the drink was actually created.
2 oz Brandy
1 oz Apple Brandy
1 oz Sweet Vermouth
In a cocktail shaker filled with ice, combine and shake vigorously and strain into a cocktail glass. Yum.

The Kamikaze

2010-07-25T10:40:00.001-04:00

This is NOT the Bro/Ho version of this classic drink, if that is what you want, find a bar full of popped polo collars. If you are looking for a sour summer sipper I would suggest you try the Kamikaze this way:
1 1/2 oz Vodka
2 teaspoons Cointreau
1/2 oz lime juice
Combine ingredients, Shake vigorously. Strain into an ice-filled rocks glass.

THE GOOD, the bad, the ugly

2010-07-21T20:16:00.001-04:00

If you can't go to the vintage, make the vintage come to you and let the laughter ensue. The app is called Old Booth and is for the iPhone. basically it works like those large cutouts on boardwalks and it places you face in a perfectly framed head.

Unfortunately I am not hip enough for an iPhone but and will simply sneak Engineer boyfriend's phone to take a few candid yesteryear photos.

Seriously, I look hot.

The Gimlet

2010-07-21T18:33:00.002-04:00

I was craving one all day, so the first thing I do after I take off my shoes is to mix my first Gimlet. Great for a summer day. Unless you like tart drinks, if you don't have Rose's and are going to use fresh limes, don't forget to add a bit of simple syrup or you might find your face puckered.

2 oz dry gin
2/3 oz lime juice(fresh or Rose's)
Combine Gin, Lime juice and cracked ice into a shaker and shake vigorously. Strain into a cocktail glass. Now you are puckered for life.

The Daiquiri

2010-07-13T19:23:00.000-04:00

Unless you are a "Bro" or "Ho", you should drink a Daiquiri like this.

2 oz light rum
3/4 oz simple syrup
1/2 oz lemon juice
Shake with ice and strain into a cocktail glass. Voila!

Party like it's 1929!

2010-07-13T19:10:00.000-04:00

1930's Deco Dress from So Vintage Patterns... Probably should have ironed the dress after wearing it all day.

The Tom Collins

2010-07-05T17:47:00.000-04:00

Modified from the original, we decided to add fresh fruit thus creating a raspberry/blueberry Tom Collins.
1 handful of berries
1 oz simple syrup
1 oz lemon juice
3 oz gin
Muddle the fruit in a tall glass with lemon juice and simple syrup. Add gin, ice cubes and top wth soda water. Stir till mixed.

Happy July 4th!

2010-07-04T16:50:00.000-04:00

today's preferred drink; the Negroni.

1 oz gin
1 oz sweet vermouth
1 oz Campari® bitters
Stir with ice and strain into a chilled cocktail glass 3/4 filled with cracked ice. Add a splash of soda water if desired. Garnish with a half slice of orange.

The Bonnie Parker Dress

2010-07-04T15:35:00.000-04:00

Okay, maybe not an actual Bonnie Parker dress but I did make it from a sewing pattern from the 1930's. It's the bees knees.

Late night cocktails and electric tea lights...

2010-07-04T15:19:00.000-04:00

a mixed blessing.

use liquor wisely.

Newest hobbie

2010-06-28T22:10:00.001-04:00

I am easily persuaded to become... fascinated with new creative hobbies. As a one time student of art I find that my current life in a cubicle like some kind of human veal, I need a creative outlet. I have moved from knitting which I found just took too long and forced me to sit in one place for prolonged periods of time to the art of sewing.

After completing my first two projects I am absolutely hooked. I have been collecting rather affordable vintage 1920's dress patterns to begin with, hell, it's not like there is much shaping to worry about right?

Dress one: The Dust Bowl Dress
Created to save time, fabric and money for those struggling through the first great depression

Dress two: The Drop Waist Dress
I found that this dress was not as easy as it looked. Next time I make it with less slippery fabric.

Summer Holiday

2010-06-26T01:51:00.000-04:00

My summer holidays generally only include myself and my boyfriend. This year it included his entire family which included his mother, father, two brothers who are twins along with their spouses and a shrieking two year old. If the poorly behaved two year old was avoided, the vacation was lovely.

We stayed at the YMCA of the Rockies, and if you overlooked the obscene amount of religion and the fact that the BF's brothers would just walk into the cabin, it was almost as thought we were alone.

Here it is, Casa de Aspen. This is where the magic happened.

Bear Lake, Rocky Mountain Park

My first cookout

Our second day included a hike up a steep incline to Bible Point, named thus due to a grave placed at the top of a young missionary who died at 18 in a totally unrelated way in a totally unrelated part of the country but had come to this area once many years earlier. So obviously this was the best place to drag his coffin all the way to the top of what was formerly known as Buena Vista. The name was changed to Bible Point after the father of the deceased placed a mailbox with a bible at the top of the mountain in case God might want to write a letter or something. The USPS is already unreliable and putting a postbox at the top of a steep hill is not helping matters... plus the fact that the Great Pumpkin is more likely to write a letter.

Finally after wheezing and puffing the thin air of Colorado we reached the top, and it was worth watching the BF nearly pass out.

And here is the grave of the young Edwin Bradt, who lead a "normal life" according to the tomb stone. I realized later that we were supposed to place a pine cone on the grave, I just thought they fell there, I am such a dumbass.

We found the postbox and even signed the notebook. this too was intended for prayers to be written but let's get serious here, I am about as religious as a mouse turd.

My most favorite place in Colorado; the Stanley Hotel. This time we got the tour full of history, made for TV movies and ghost stories, you know, everything I love.

We had to wait about an hour for the tour which was the last one of the day, so I proceeded to get... relaxed at the bar with a clever cocktail by the name of the "Redrum Martini" It was great.

The tour began which was lead by a wonderful guide by the name of... something or another who told us of the Stanley family, fortune and the hotel and it's revival (thank you Mr. King.)

But the Stanley Hotel is not all Redrums and room 217s, the Stanleys were most famous for the first steam powered automobile which could go up to 127mph. The first muscle car if you will. Small glitch was that it would burst into flames. According to the owners manual, this was fixed by driving faster until the flames were extinguished. Okay, so maybe they weren't that smart.

On the last day we rose early for the traditional family portrait made more enjoyable by the addition of the two year old who cried, flailed around, kicked and every now and then smiled. Once the last shot was taken we rushed off to the stables where we had an appointment for a two hour ride in the trails on horseback.This was my first time riding a horse so naturally I thought it was best to start big. I now know what "saddle sore" means.

I had a sweet horse by the name of Babe who nibbled my ankle and the BF got a spunky grey horse named Murph. Murph was later renamed to Mr. Bouncy.

The ride took over two hours but went up to Emerald Mountain and then back down. To my utter delight not all of the ride was along a perilous rocky trail with a near shear drop, but the threw in some trotting for good measure. No one warned me about the trotting, ouch.

The vacation at Estes Park has ended and I am awaiting my return to Boston, but all things considered, this was a wonderful trip. So goodbye dry air and nature, it was fun while it lasted.

THE GOOD, the bad, the ugly

2010-03-26T11:44:00.003-04:00

It took an hour, but I finally did it. The Happy Pompadour.

Crap I bought but don't need

2010-03-25T11:41:00.002-04:00

Also known as "today's outfit"

Gorgeous silk 1940's campaign day dress
Seriously, it was only $20 at Poor Little Rich Girl in Kendall Square!

Drive Thru

2010-03-23T18:27:00.005-04:00

I can only assume that this was actually intended to be a satire on teen slasher movies because I just can't believe this was ever intended to be taken seriously. It had a murderous reject from Gwar called "Horny the Clown," now tell me if that doesn't sound like some sort of bull shit name for a crazed villain on a murderous spree if this is not a farce of a movie. I do however feel that this was not primarily intended to create laughter, it did, but I don't think it was supposed to if you know what I'm saying..

PLOT I am pretty sure there was a well defined, if contrived plot. A famous burger chain called "Hella Burger" has a mascot in one very randy Horny the Clown. Well, we meet Horny when he takes out some cornrowed, thug, ebonic speaking white kid who was annoying me anyway. With his over the top cross between an evil clown and KISS reject costume, I realize that I would rather watch 90 minutes of the ghetto white boy than deal with him. But as you may be aware of, I love cinematic punishment and so I plowed on.

After this douche bag was put to rest we are introduced to some ear bleeding "rock" played by that bitch from some WB show but I don't know which one, and her "band" and a lot of air quotes on my behalf. They are apparently throwing a kick ass party where the only guests were a couple who weren't even invited and then the cops break it up. Um, I thought you had to have at least... you know, other people to create a party deserving of the cops but I think the budget was too low for extras. After the great party break up, the "band" gathers around a Ouija board that spells out the license plate number of G.W.B (that's Ghetto White Boy in case you weren't following.) And the next morning the girl from some WB show that I still can't think of sees the plate on the news and is all like "oh my God."

I don't really need to go into the rest of the movie as it isn't to different from the first 20 minutes. Clown guy kills kids, Chick from the WB discovers the secret her mother and her friends have been keeping as their children fall victim to the lamest fucking serial killer in a movie ever.

FINAL THOUGHT It was a heart warming movie about the human spirit, and the dangers of fast food... and it will make you laugh.

the good, THE BAD, the ugly

2010-03-23T18:12:00.002-04:00

So I was hanging out at the local liquor store...

A gun...

A cobra...

and a bull dog? Is the spout located in his ass? Seriously?
I'm just saying.

Crap I bought but don't need

2010-03-23T18:05:00.002-04:00

1950's day dress
Cafe Society in Brookline, MA.

THE GOOD, the bad, the ugly

2010-03-22T20:05:00.006-04:00

Vintage has been my new years resolution and I am sticking with it. Not only am I sticking with it, I am bloody obsessed, I feel like I have found something that was missing in my SOUL, seriously.

So when the opportunity came to throw a house party I was like, "let's do the 20's" even though I prefer the 40's but how sweet would a Prohibition shindig be right?

Oh snap

Oh well, go out with a bang... or crash.

Nine Dead

2010-03-22T11:12:00.003-04:00

I probably would have gotten around to watching Nine Dead eventually even if it didn’t have Clarissa who explains it all in the starring role but it helped. What we have here is a low budget version of Saw sort of, the premise is similar and had the potential of being a good movie, it just had too many things working against it.

PLOT Random Vignettes show a masked man abducting people spliced with constructing a holding cell for the first five minutes. Holey shit! Is that a Baldwin? Wow, you know its low budget when you can’t even get one of the lesser puffy Baldwin’s to appear for more than 10 seconds in your movie. He mumbles something, gets maced, no more Baldwin. Moving on, enter the headlining star, Sabrina the Teenage Witch. I’m sure this makes her very mad and she just wants to be taken seriously as an actress but the moment you televise your wedding for money as she did… I’m sorry, but you have pretty much lost all dignity.

After the shock of seeing just how fat Daniel Baldwin is and that Melissa Joan Hart is still employable, we can now get down to moderately enjoying the movie, but not really.

We open to a cement room and find that 10 people are handcuffed to metal poles arranged in a semi-circle a few feet from each other. Each captive is revealed as the masked man removes each victim’s hood and gag and then the talking begins. Shit. Each captive demands to know why they have been taken when the masked man reveals that they must find out amongst themselves why they are there and will be given 10 minute intervals to bicker before he comes in and kills one of them. He throws them some street chalk which I instantly associate with hop scotch but they use them to write their names on the walls behind them instead. We meet a motley crew of bad actors (all but the guy who played the pedophile, he was awesome) who take a walk down Misdemeanor Lane telling the secret stories of their criminal pasts in order to find the common link between them.

As told, every 10 minutes another captive was shot which was a pleasure to see actually, a mad man holding up his end of the bargain.

FINAL THOUGHT None, the reason they were there was so stupid erased any comprehensive opinion I could have had but in the movies defense, I watched it long enough to find out.

Crap I bought but don't need

2010-03-20T16:56:00.002-04:00

Rockabilly Romper from Unique Vintage.

Crap I bought but don't need

2010-03-17T13:47:00.002-04:00

Vintage toppers!

1950's

1930's

Both were scored at Cafe Society in Brookline, MA.

the good, the bad, THE UGLY

2010-03-15T21:17:00.002-04:00

Now I'm starting to get pissed. Not only are my windows falling subject to this random March NorEaster, but my walls and ceiling just had to join in the fun of destroying the possibility of EVER getting homeowners insurance ever again!

At least we got our power back.

Crap I want but don't need

2010-03-15T20:57:00.003-04:00

vintage 40s red JONATHAN LOGAN silk full dress
I actually weep it is so beautiful
Nod to Mod Vintage

Grass Green Gingham Sundress
Okay, this may be going in my cart
Thirteen Eighty Five

Crap I bought but don't need

2010-03-15T20:42:00.004-04:00

But it was only $20 at Poor Little Rich Girl in Davis Square!

The skirt, not the dog. Just in case you were confused

the good, THE BAD, the ugly

2010-03-14T19:49:00.004-04:00

It can only be classified as a God damned monsoon here in Boston. This non-stop pounding rain has been pouring onto my little brick building for so long, my windows are leaking water that mysteriously is the colour of pee and it looks as though it will continue into tomorrow. I shake my fist at you nature, you are really starting to really bum me out.

Triangle

2010-03-14T14:45:00.002-04:00

I wish everyone had an appreciation for horror movies, especially the ones that actually make you think. I downloaded Triangle not knowing anything about it but it had that mouth breather from 30 Days of Night which was a terrific vampire movie by the way. Well the description basically says that a group of people on an afternoon boat ride come across an empty cruise ship that ends up not being empty after all. Unfortunately there is no way to explain this movie without giving it away

PLOT It is true, there is a group of semi-strangers taking a pleasure sail somewhere in Florida. Jess is somewhat the guest of honor, a young single mother of an autistic child who was invited by Greg, the owner of the boat, who I assume he is crushing on her. Joining them are four others, one of whom is a supper annoying ginger who just won't shut up that Greg invited Jess and is not paying her friend Heather any attention.

Just when everyone is passive aggressively being friendly to one another, the wind suddenly dies and a dark mysterious storm hits and turns the boat over, taking the ginger's friend Heather with it. As suddenly as the storm started, it stopped leaving the remaining five passengers waiting for rescue on the upturned boat. They waited long enough for their hair to dry when a large cruise ship slowly sidles up beside them allowing them to board. When they do, they find that no one else is aboard the ship. As the traverse the hallways looking for the crew, Jess begins to experience a strong sense of Deja Vu noting to Greg that she recognizes the hallways and believes she's been on this ship before. It isn't until the group gets split up that the shit really hits the fan and I can say no more without urging you to see it for yourself.

FINAL THOUGHTWhen the movie ended, I was in a state of surreal contemplation. I was turning the events over and it wasn't until I watched it for the second time demanding that my boyfriend see it, that everything came together and I appreciated it even more.

To anyone who didn't get it. You are probably mentally deficient in some way which is fine and all, I love the mentally handicapped, but you should probably stick to movies with Keanu Reeves or something.

Crap I bought but don't need

2010-03-14T14:13:00.011-04:00

Well, I can justify that I do truly need everything I buy.

Custom made replica dress from SyFy's mini series Alice. But I had her make it a little longer due to office dress codes. The designer was from ETSY and you can find KaliOceano here

Another custom made dress from ETSY. This is by Heart My Closet. Um, don't mind the swiffer or the dog bowls.

For our Speakeasy themed shindig next week, A modern flapper dress by Stacie May. The set of knives are from our private collection though.

Last is a simple 1940's replica wiggle style dress from Unique Vintage. The focus is due to my engineer boyfriend's inability to work a camera. Oh well, he has other talents.

Crap I want but don't need

2009-11-17T16:01:00.002-05:00

ASICS GT 2140 Trail Running Shoe
Because I believe a new shoe will totally help my running performance on the trails.
Dick's Sporting Goods

Paranormal Activity

2009-11-17T11:16:00.002-05:00

Please stop taking us for idiots. Do not make a film with a hand held camera and try to convince us this is the long lost footage of blah blah blah. Some people fell for this con when The Blair Witch Project came out but this is just ridiculous. I saw the trailers and thought, hell yeah, a good ghost movie. Then I watched it.

PLOT So here we have two young yuppies with apparently no responsibilities since they sit around their house all day with a camera the size of a small nation and wax poetic about the supernatural. They try to explain that one is a day trader and the other is a student but neither does anything to prove this except one scene where Katie like, reads a book and says she’s studying. Anyway, Micha the douche bag day trader has gone out and purchased a high end and fucking enormous camera and with prodding from Katie tells her it was worth half of what he made today. Die day trader douche bag!

Apparently Micha bought this camera is to document the paranormal activity Katie says she’s been dealing with since she was 8, but it’s see that she’s upbeat about this longstanding haunting and channels her fear of this entity into some beadwork and knitting a scarf out of acrylic yarn. To add some forward motion to this stagnant puddle of a movie, they meet with some “psychic” who has no purpose in the movie except to say it’s a demon and then hands them the business card of the demonologist who will not be appearing in this movie. Well Katie wants to call the guy but Micha “has a plan” and wants to keep the demonologist out of it. So they set up the camera in the bedroom to film them sleeping and to capture any spooky happenings. Yeah, the most frightening part of this movie was watching these two retards argue about being followed by a fucking demon. Are you kidding me?

FINAL THOUGHT The movie spends an estimated 95% following 2 idiots yell at each other and 5% trying to spook us with their night vision parlor tricks. If you are a pussy and are easily frightened by crappy dramatic improvisation about demonic possession and of sheets being fluffed, this is the movie for you. For all others, buy another ticket to Zombieland and count yourself lucky.

THE GOOD, the bad, the ugly

2009-11-16T16:34:00.002-05:00

Oh thank God! I feel better knowing that this has walked down a runway without an ounce of irony.

Crap I want but don't need

2009-11-16T16:03:00.002-05:00

PSP Go
I want it only because my boyfriend got one
Game Stop

Zombieland

2009-11-16T15:44:00.005-05:00

Thank you Hollywood for giving me Zombieland, it has been far too long since I have seen a movie that I enjoyed seeing, and this one has zombies in it to boot!

PLOT Well, what else is there to say but zombies have taken over the world and after a humorous slow-mo intro we begin the adventure of Columbus. A college student traveling to Ohio to find his parents and has a list of rules to survive by the most important being Cardio, the Double Tap and Seat Belts. By following these rules our unlikely protagonist found he could survive long enough to run across Tallahassee, an ass kicking southerner who revels in the sport of killing rabid zombies and the endless pursuit of a good Twinkie.

Blah, blah, blah. So along these two travel until they happen upon Wichita and Little Rock, two sisters who con them out of their vehicle and weapons… twice but eventually team up on a trip to Los Angeles’ fun park “Pacific Playland” which is believed to be zombie free. Okay and you know, I can’t say anything else without laying out the entire story and this would be an injustice, especially since I am not funny.

FINAL THOUGHT A humorous story of 4 unlikely people who bond over the destruction of human kind… and Bill Murray. I was not let down by this movie but if you ask me, if this movie was put in the ring with Shawn of the Dead the latter would beat Zombieland to a bloody brain searching pulp, but awesome British comedy aside, this was the first movie that I have watched featuring the acting styling of Woody Harrelson that has not made me want to throw a shoe at his one dimensional head. Seriously, I hate that guy but add a smear of zombie and apparently I become accepting of even the most vile of southern drawlers.

FINAL FINAL THOUGHT Did anyone else notice the uncanny resemblance between Wichita and Ophelia from Brutal Legend the latest creation from video game genius Tim Schaffer?

the good, the bad, THE UGLY

2009-10-26T20:50:00.006-04:00

Big Fashion Fail Layaway With Hideous Lycra Accented by Gaudy Shit And Lace
Honestly, I don't even know what to say about this but I bet it would be found in a closet also containing this sexy number:

This is the look of Fall and can be found in a Target near you... or near Somerville Massachusetts which to be honest has the corner of the market when it comes to high end fashion.

Crap I want but don't need

2009-10-26T16:20:00.002-04:00

Luvstory Sweater

The Missy

The Arienette
All by Little Houses Clothing

Splinter

2009-10-26T08:59:00.003-04:00

Splinter has been out for a year and recently popped up on the SyFy Channel’s “31 Days of Halloween” this past weekend, no worries, I’ve seen it twice since its release. For what it is, Splinter is a scare the piss out of you creature-feature made for cheep and containing a cast of less than six.

PLOT We are introduced to the Splinter fungus/creature rather immediately as we watch a gas station attendant get mauled by a prickly badger or whatever the fuck it is before we meet the relevant cast in this movie. Seth and Polly, our couple du jour are driving into the wilderness on an expected romantic camping trip but a busted tent and a car-jacking put a stop to their plans of sex under the stars. A recently escaped convict and his cracked out paranoid girlfriend stop the couple along the road and after waving a gun around they take refuge in the car and begin to direct Seth and Polly to drive to like Mexico or something. When they hit a splinter bunny or whatever and Dennis the convict pricks his finger on a splinter in the now flat tire and the googly eyed girlfriend has a meltdown and is convinced that the now flat critter in the road is her long dead dog. Seriously kids, drugs fuck you up.

Anyway these bitches roll up to a gas station only to find the corpse of the moderately still living attendant from the intro hanging in the toilet. Looking seriously gross as splinters have burst through his skin, he attacks the bug-eyed meth-headed girlfriend ripping her apart. Really awesome, am I right or what? So, the loving couple and the convict take refuge. The convict gets a bit nutty about trying to save the pieces of his girlfriend and the impossible couple get all scientific about how to do battle against… splinters, while the convict slowly loses his hand to the prickly fungus.

FINAL THOUGHT Seriously creepy for a movie. The magic of this movie came from not only the cast, but from the confinement of these three people fighting against a terribly smart piece of wood. It created a sublime amount of tension between the characters and the creature which progressively became more advanced and horrific as the movie progressed. An absolute recommendation, it just goes to show one does not need a lot of money or a huge cast to produce something terrifying and enjoyable.

THE GOOD, the bad, the ugly

2009-10-23T14:41:00.004-04:00

So, I had a dream about zombies and I actually woke up terrified at 4am. Seriously, zombies are no joke and the ones in my dream meant business. Obviously I've seen too many B-list horror movies, but I wanted to get down to the science behind it all. So I turned to the "Dream Dictionary" it's totally a thing, and typed in ZOMBIE.

DREAM DICTIONARY:
When you see a zombie it has no expression on its face as it just mindless walks around unable to think what to do. Think of real life and situation where you felt like a zombie.

- How do you feel like a zombie right now? Do you feel ill and lacking vitality?
- Did you behave like a zombie yesterday - completely unable to act?
- Do you get bored by some situation in your life or some task?
- Is there anyone who bores you senseless?
- Is your life lacking inspiration right now?

It's like, scientific and stuff.

Crap I want but don't need

2009-10-23T14:15:00.002-04:00

Veronica Reis Party sequined dress
Gotta say that is the worst photoshop job I have seen in a long time, but the dress is hot shit
Veronica Reis

vintage 40s MY FAIR LADY leather heels
Sigh, not my size though
Nod to Mod Vintage

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra

2009-10-23T11:05:00.002-04:00

I was so excited when I heard they were creating a live action G.I. Joe movie, what could possibly go wrong? I played with the toys as a child with my first grade boyfriend and watched the cartoon on Saturday mornings, this was going to rock… right?

PLOT Irrelevant back story about a Scottish traitor which leads into a modern day irrelevant story about a Scottish traitor, but why did that traitor need to be Christopher Eccleston, the ninth Doctor? Anyway, he was able to take those Nanobots from “The Day the Earth Stood Still” and put them to use in this movie. When Duke who was the guy from “Step Up” and that really annoying Wayans brother don their Army uniforms and are directed to deliver the Nanobot warhead to destination unknown. When they are ambushed by a bunch of baddies in tight leather who Duke recognizes as his Ex, queue the dream sequence of their one time romance.

Whatever, Duke and the Wayans guy get picked up by the Joe’s and then because they were in the cartoon, get randomly and instantly recruited into the G.I. Joe club. Here, Wayans flirts with Scarlet and they say things like “knowing is half the battle” when they catch wind of the evil plan the Nanobots are being used for. Oh, it’s a clever one, they will be used to destroy the Eiffle Tower… mmmkay. Well not if the Joe’s have anything to do with it. Queue the silly running suits.

FINAL THOUGHT Unlike the joy I received watching this animated television show as I child, I felt almost embarrassed to be in the theater for this. And they didn’t include Gung Ho! What is G.I. Joe without the ambiguously gay soldier, seriously. It had action and fake science and tried very hard to take our beloved characters and make them believable, but really just failed to capture the magic of the 1985 franchise. I recommend that you go in with low expectations, or turn it on while you are cleaning out the cat litter.

the good, THE BAD, the ugly

2009-10-22T16:06:00.005-04:00

There is something off about this photo, but I just can't quite put my finger on it. Maybe it's the lighting.

Crap I want but don't need

2009-10-22T15:45:00.002-04:00

Tenured Professor Coat

Visiting Lecturer Vest
Mod Cloth

District 9

2009-10-22T15:29:00.001-04:00

I know, this is a bit late and you have most likely already seen and loved this movie, and probably for a list of other reasons why. Either you enjoyed it for the political statement or you similarly have an alien hobo village in your country, or if you are like me, you just saw a big awesome sci-fi flick with people who sound funny.

PLOT Much like how my neighborhood began, an alien ship stalled above Johannesburg, that’s in South Africa by the way, and didn’t make like it was going to leave any time soon. So up we go to investigate and find a ship full of aliens who are sick and dying. Given them asylum, a shanty town was created and they located and rehabilitated the “Prawns” in what is referred to as District 9. Over the years these multi-armed creatures allow the village to fall into disrepair and it quickly becomes a slum where alien fights alien for a can of cat food.

People see their property tax fall because let’s get serious, you know you have someone just like this on your block and you bloody hate them, and the government build another reservation further away and gather a group of operatives led by Wikus van de Merwe to get the Prawns relocated to the shiny new District 10. Shockingly, not all of the Prawns are thinking this a good idea and soon Wikus runs into a Prawn who is gathering and storing a mysterious fluid that explodes onto Wikus.

Soon Wikus begins to mutate and in turn finds himself on the other end of the law and joining forces with the Prawns to which he is slowing morphing into.

FINAL THOUGHT This was basically a movie about racism and xenophobia. Using the Prawns as symbolic representations of those we commonly consider as disserving of less humanity than we ourselves receive. It took about an hour for the movie to pick up the pace and reveal itself, but it was worth accidentally buying a ticket for.

the good, THE BAD, the ugly

2009-10-21T16:38:00.003-04:00

"I'm making a comic for my university, it's usually about stuff that happens there but when there isn't anything fun to draw I make weird stuff like this. I find the weird ones without any real meaning more fun to make as well as watch."
~Vargas

Hey, to each his own right?

This piece of Bad Art was discovered within the pages of The Artists Corner

Crap I want but don't need

2009-10-21T11:36:00.001-04:00

Start It Up Pant
Lululemon

kimono sleeve dress with pleated runner
Liza Rietz

Deadgirl

2009-10-21T10:55:00.003-04:00

Part zombie movie, part brutal rape movie, Deadgirl was either a clever horror film or a tribute to the works of Leonard Lake and Charles Ng, because there was no other reason this movie should have been made. I spent most of the movie feeling ashamed for watching it and the other half seriously pissed off by the callous actions of these seemingly everyday boys.

PLOT Skipping class, Rickie and J.T., two slacker high school students in appropriate hipster attire decide to break into the local run down asylum which we appear to have an abundance of in this country. They smash shit up to a soundtrack in their heads whilst drinking cheep beer and smoking and then they begin to explore the endless hallways that run under the hospital. It is here they break into the boiler room where they find a body of a naked woman tied to a table. Discovering that she is alive, they argue about getting help for her but J.T. thinks it would be best to just keep her tied to the table so he can continually rape her, you know, because while he was beating the shit out of her he discovered she can’t die so it’s really the only logical option.

It’s a whole morality issue for Ricky who tries to make his friend see reason and release the dead girl, but while she’s getting plowed by a couple of jocks she bites one. Turns out she is not too dissimilar to a zombie and can make other zombies or “dead girls” if she bites you. See, J.T. isn’t a pig after all, I mean she’s a zombie and therefore kinda deserves it, right?

FINAL THOUGHT I can see where this was intended to be thought provoking, since the girl on the table could not be killed, she is technically not alive and therefore is not to be considered a human making an ethical argument. But from what I can tell, it was really just a movie about boys wanting a sex slave and using a loophole to make it acceptable. For revenge, rent Teeth.

I'm Back!

2009-10-21T10:34:00.002-04:00

After a long work induced hiatus, I am back. A bit dusty, but ready to boggle you with my tasteless posts.

the good, THE BAD, the ugly

2009-07-01T14:41:00.002-04:00

I didn't know goths were ironic.

Crap I want but don't need

2009-07-01T13:57:00.002-04:00

Absinth - One piece bathing suit
L.A. Drama Queen

SASSY (print 04 of 60)
Autumn & Eve

Beowulf

2009-07-01T13:52:00.003-04:00

Other than a tape recording of a reading of Beowulf in Gaelic, a language where all I know how to say is “kiss my ass,” I remembered very little about the fable of the great Danish hero who defeated Grendel. Upon watching this CGI film, I clearly didn’t remember the story at all however desired to have been more familiar with to at least make a fair comparison between the two. I was not particularly interested in watching this movie partially due to its needless use of computer generated characters. It was however much more enjoyable than I would have thought, but it was rather useless to have made the whole thing animated, I was lost in the chiclet teeth.

PLOT Beowulf is the story of a Viking hero named Beowulf who has come to the aid of King Hrothgar and his village which has been under attack by a beast known as Grendel. Grendel is similar to my upstairs neighbor in that every noise she hears throws her into a crazy cat lady fury and she comes tearing through my condo eating my party guests. With the promise of much gold Beowulf arrives with his ginger friend and promises to rid the village of the monster. One the eve of his battle, they throw a party and Beowulf flirts with the queen before deciding that a fair battle is one that requires him to be naked.

With the death of Grendel, revenge is desired by the mother and Beowulf quickly sets of to defeat the witch but instead of slaying her, he strikes a deal with offers too great to refuse. With the curse of the witch placed upon his head, Hrothgar gives him the thrown and the burden of his conscience.

FINAL THOUGHT Not familiar with the tale, I knew the gist of it and I thought the movie did a fine job not just telling the tale, but revealing the characters. They were clever in writing it so that Grendel was sympathetic and that the humans were in fact the monsters for misunderstanding him and the mythical character of Beowulf was fallible, flawed and quite an unreliable narrator rather than a standard hero. I was pleased with the film and enjoyed it quite a bit, but was constantly distracted with the CGI. There was little to the effects that required a strictly digital cast and the computerized characters themselves were dead ringers for the actors whose voices were used.

the good, THE BAD, the ugly

2009-06-30T16:17:00.002-04:00

I know, you are probably thinking that I put this up to make fun of the Twilight themed tattoo permanently branded on this fine example of someone I would like to think is from fly-over country who will eventually learn to regret her decision when she realizes that they were merely a series of poorly written books by a Mormon about vampires or when she gets fatter because it will look like a bloody mess. But in fact, I am more aghast with her enormous pit stains. Yikes.

Crap I want but don't need

2009-06-30T11:42:00.003-04:00

Til the wolves are away
I have a thing for creepy images
Prints by Ali Aschman

Hello Little Bird Print
Erin Zam

S. Darko

2009-06-30T10:27:00.002-04:00

I can’t say that we really needed a sequel to Donnie Darko but apparently some thought we did. There was a magic to Donnie Darko that wasn’t captured in Samantha’s story. They tried to use the same premise and made an attempt at the visual style that made the original so appealing, but in the end the only thing that was accomplished was a straight to DVD production.

PLOT The story picks up with Samantha Darko seven years after the death of her brother as she and her best friend hop in a car and make their way to California. Along the way they experience the inevitable, and breakdown in Utah where they meet a James Dean wannabe who helps get their car repaired and a hotel to stay in. Once in town, the dreamy Samantha and the rebellious Corey begin to grow apart as Corey finds company with the James Dean guy and Sam begins to sleepwalk. While in her sleepwalking state, a future version of herself appears to a shell shocked soldier from Desert Storm and tells him the world will end in 4 days, 17 hours, 26 minutes and 31 seconds yadda yadda yadda.

Shortly after this prophesy is made, a meteor strikes the very windmill where Mr. Post Traumatic Stress was sitting and thus beginning the story where time travel is indeed possible as long as you are willing to make a sacrifice to make things right.

FINAL THOUGH Where the movie was not outright crappy, it didn’t exactly make any damn sense. Alone it would just be an unusual Science Fiction story, but compared to its predecessor, it was a disappointment. The cast was flimsy at best, and the story line fell victim to a multiple personality disorder trying to use elements from Donnie and trying to write a standalone movie. If you are a Darko fan I would warn you to stay away from this as it will have you questioning your commitment to Sparkle Motion.

the good, the bad, THE UGLY

2009-06-29T16:02:00.003-04:00

Rarely should a person's obsession make it's way onto a t-shirt for all to see, but it should never make its way onto your shoes.

I cannot stress this enough.

Crap I want but don't need

2009-06-29T15:59:00.003-04:00

Hand Painted Cityscape Shoes ( 8-1/2)
James Illustrated

Romina Top
Hubba hubba
Isla Luna

Friday the 13th

2009-06-29T14:26:00.005-04:00

Great, another crappy re-make of a sequel with one of the stars of the CW’s Supernatural which I totally watch by the way. The movie takes the stance that we are to forget that the 10 movies preceding this one never happened and we are simply picking up many years after the first one graced the silver screen in 1980. Personally I am insulted that I am expected to forget that Jason X ever happened, you know, the one where he is in space, yeah that was a classic.

PLOT Opening to a black and white flashback, we see the final moments in the life of Mrs. Voorhees as she is given the beat down and beheaded by a camp counselor while little Jason watches in the reeds. Due to a lack of universal health care, Jason grew up one f’d up dude with a mommy complex and a severe case of angst until he snaps apparently 30 years later and begins to murder those who trespass and fornicate on his property. Why he waited so long is beyond me but continued to bothered me throughout the movie.

So it’s the present and a group of twenty somethings enter Jason’s domain in search of a marijuana grove and pay the price with their lives dun dun dun. When a few more weeks go by another crop of kids arrive at Crystal Lake to enjoy Spring break in Trent’s family cabin when they run into Clay, a young tousle haired boy on a motorcycle who is looking for his sister who disappeared from the area. Jenna, Trent’s girlfriend, takes a shine to Clay because she too watches Supernatural and thinks he’s dreamy, decides to bail on her friends and really crappy boyfriend to help him search the woods and neighboring houses for his sister. Little do they know, Jason is looking for them muahhhahaaa!

FINAL THOUGH Luckily I didn’t expect to enjoy the movie which saved from the crushing disappointment I felt. I ask a lot from my films including the slashers so my opinion may not be fair as this was clearly a an attempt to introduce this genre to people who normally don’t watch horror. The unfortunate side effect of this is that these movies have a tendency to be pussified and completely forgettable. Hell, I’ve forgotten most of it already.

Star Trek

2009-06-18T10:00:00.003-04:00

Yes, I can say that I am a geek. I grew up watching the classic Star Trek on re-run (but only on Fridays as that was the only night I could watch television) and then onto The Next Generation. I had a crush on Picard and have seen all theatrical releases in the Star Trek franchise but I had no idea that this installation in the series was going to kick so much ass. Directed by J.J. Abrams, the guy who I guess does Lost, a show I have never seen, takes the story of our much beloved crew of the Starship Enterprise and re-introduces them to us.

In a Superman style birth. Under attack by a bunch of pissed off Romulans the crew of the starship USS Kelvin flee for safety in escape pods and it is here that James T. Kirk is born as his father the acting captain is going down with the ship. Jim grows up fast and furious, a troublemaker who loves adventure, and green women. He enlists into the academy under the suggestion of George Pike who I remember from the series was “The Cage” and he challenges him that he will make captain in three years.

So, the years go by and Jim tries to tap Uhura and become best friends forever with Leonard “Bones” McCoy. It’s during his big exam that he confidently passes that we discover that Spock did in fact get to the Starfleet Academy as he threatened to do and is a big cheese who calls Kirk a cheater and takes him to trial where he gets suspended. Noticing that there is no action yet, the alarms ring out that planet Volcan is experiencing a lighning storm and are being big girl blouses about it and send out a distress signal. In a whir of activity all of the students are sorted into ships and Kirk gets snuck onto the Enterprise by his buddy “Bones” while sporting hilariously large hands.

The storm turns out to be a trap set by the same pissed Romulans from 25 years earlier who can really hold a grudge. Bent on revenge and destruction, the Romulans won’t stop until Spoke pays for what he did to their planet 150 years in the future.

It was a thrill ride, filled with humor and nostalgia. It was a terrific addition to the series showing that Gene Roddenberry’s vision will live forever. The cast selection was nothing shy of genius, each actor was a clone of their predecessor, most memorable were the characters of Spock and “Bones” who gave Leonard Nemoy and DeForest Kelly a real run for their money. If you have not seen this movie, you must see it even if you live under a rock and don’t know what Star Trek is, you are guaranteed to enjoy this film… unless you suck.

THE GOOD, the bad, the ugly

2009-06-08T16:24:00.002-04:00

I am thankful that the expensive Ivy League education afforded in the Boston area has enabled the citizens of Cambridge to identify what is and what is not in fact art.

Crap I want but dont need

2009-06-08T15:44:00.002-04:00

Meandering Course Dress
Anthropologie

Beige Burberry Plaid V neck Fitted Full Pleated Cocktail Prom Dress
I want it I want it I want it!!
YY Studio

Adeline in Stripes Lily Pod Dress
You know, for work
Attila Design

Confessions of a Shopaholic

2009-06-08T15:30:00.003-04:00

I am a person who was not designed to view Romantic Comedies and find them any more enjoyable than doing something extremely un-enjoyable. In fact, Romantic Comedies are the bane of my existence but every now and then I need to watch one just to remind myself just how truly awful they all are. And the only enjoyment I found in watching Confessions of a Crappy Adaptation to an Equally Crappy Novel was when it ended. I must admit however that I was curious several years ago about the draw of Sophie Kinsella’s book and found that I hated the main character too much to find any enjoyment in it. The first thing anyone who read the book will notice is that the main character Rebecca is not English and we are not in London. Subtle ass raping of a novel, I like it. Rebecca is not as horrid as she was in the book, so I am thankful for that, but for a character who’s life revolves around shopping for clothes, she really should have looked outside of 1985 to blow her wad.

Well, we meet the journalist Rebecca Bloomwood in a real pickle after reading a bank statement that says she spent $1000 in one month to look like the Technicolor train wreck we see before us. And after Rebecca’s best attempt to find her inner Disney Princess, she just can’t fathom how this happened. But lucky for her, she has an interview with her most favoritest fashion magazine in the whole wide world that will turn her frown upside down and she will finally get the credit collectors off her back. On the way she passes a shop window that can’t help but draw our little shopaholic in by the lure of a gauzy green scarf, this green scarf becomes a symbol of our little Rebecca and is essentially the catalyst of her burgeoning career and romance. She gets $20 bucks from a British guy at a hot dog stand to buy it and ends up being interviewed by him when the interview at the fashion rag falls through.

By some really annoying cute accident, Rebecca gets hired by the British guy to work at a money magazine where she explains finances to people who are as financially retarded as she is under the guise of “The Girl in the Green Scarf.” Obviously her finances are in ruin since she can’t stop buying ruffled tops and thick belts to pull her whole look together. Hounded by a credit collector who is tireless in his pursuit and giddy about the romance that is forming between she and the editor, Rebecca will participate in mad-cap schemes often seen in this genre to keep her life as a broke shopaholic a secret from her job and her fans.

Obviously, my cold heart was not warmed by this movie and I was relieved to find that there was a slasher film waiting in the wings for me.

the good, THE BAD, the ugly

2009-06-02T14:59:00.003-04:00

A note to toy manufacturers: Please inspect all angles for defects in a toy's character.

Crap I want but don't need

2009-06-02T13:46:00.002-04:00

The Peacock Carte Postale Pillow Box Collection
I never got into the French style, but I can get into these.
Mulberry Muse

Peacock Coins on a Chain Necklace
Perfectly simple and ace for most outfits.
Earth Sea Jewelry

Drag Me To Hell

2009-06-02T09:06:00.003-04:00

I was almost embarrassed to watch this movie, I was not impressed by what I had seen in the trailers and figured it was going to bare a horrible resemblance to House of the Dead by Uwe Boll, and no one wants that. Very quickly I realized that this movie had a lot more to it than I thought. What did it for me was the vibe the movie held, somewhere between Tales From the Crypt and Evil Dead. It’s real charm was in the fact that it acknowledged what it was and had fun with the genre without taking itself seriously.

We open to a brief preface to the curse which has been placed on a young boy who stole a gypsy’s necklace. Doomed to be dragged to hell, nothing can stop the demon attached to person who has suffered the wrath of a very angry gypsy.

40 years has passed since the fate of the thieving boy, and we meet our next victim Christine Brown, a loan officer who is applying for the Assistant Manager position and has to show her stuff to beat out her brown nosing co-worker. When a crusty old woman in desperate need of a manicure and a fresh set of dentures comes to beg for an extension on her mortgage, Christine decides to grow a pair of balls and denies the extension. But waiting for Christine after work is much more than a pissed off Eastern European with a milky eye. The old broad attacks Christine and takes a button from her coat and curses it before giving it back.

Shook up from the attack, Christine asks her boyfriend Clay to take her to a fortune teller where she learns that there is a dark spirit attached to her. With some skepticism they leave and Christine goes home where once alone she begins to experience strange sounds and shadows which only intensify the longer the curse is upon her. Returning to the fortune teller it is revealed that she is followed by a Lamia that will torment her for three days before taking her to hell for eternity.

Christine is desperate to remove this curse and soon begins to lose control as the torture intensifies and Christine resorts to more and more vile acts to save her soul.

The movie was well done and impressed me more than I thought it would. It mixed the perfect amount of frights with just a pinch of camp that will leave you shaken and laughing. If there’s one thing you will take from this movie is that a toothless gypsy will take every opportunity she has not only to put a curse on you, but to gum your face as many times as she can in 90 minutes.

the good, THE BAD, the ugly

2009-06-01T15:25:00.008-04:00

You know, for kids.

And for those of you who need a little help figuring this one out, please see below.

Crap I want but don't need

2009-06-01T15:10:00.002-04:00

sun silk embellished racer back tank by ADAM

blue terry 'Off Shore' one-button jacket by Priorities
Perfect for summer in Boston, and guaranteed to not get me written up again at work for inappropriate summer attire... don't ask
Both items found at Bluefly

Outlander

2009-06-01T13:56:00.004-04:00

In my endless quest to find a movie comparable to the action and cheese factor of one of my favorite SciFi movies Doom, I have found many frogs. Thinking this one no different than all the others, I put aside my expectations and got to work watching Outlander, a movie I had never heard of. With a slow start and questionable effects akin to the SciFi channel, I was hesitant to give it a chance. Jim Caviezel gave his lines like someone who just woke up from a nap, and at one point the speed button was hit to make it appear as though he was running faster. Thinking this a big fat stinker, I began to truly enjoy this mess.

The movie opens with a space craft rocketing for earth and crashing into a lake. Escaping the wreckage and crawling to land is a space dude played by the guy who was Jesus in that movie by Mel Gibson. After consulting his space computer he finds he is in Norway in 709AD and is smack in the middle of Viking town. He puts a suction cup to his eye and rapidly learns the Norse language which sound a hell of a lot like English. His first spoken word is “fuck,” so I knew that I was going to enjoy this.

Picking up his fancy gun, he does a few gay ass tricks with it and heads off to the woods in search of the shit that will shortly be hitting the fan. He comes across a village in destruction, blood and claw marks are everywhere but no bodies are left. A passing Viking from a neighboring tribe takes him for the one who destroyed the village all by himself and drags him back to his place where we learn the strangers name is not “The-guy-who-played-Jesus-that-one-time” but is Kainan, and he hails from an “Island in the North”. To add a proverbial cherry on top, he explains that he is hunting a dragon that had stowed away on his ship when he was happened upon. No one believes him obviously and he gets beaten up.

No worries, the very impressive dragon makes its appearance at the colony and wreaks some havoc on those fur wearing newly converted dragon believers. Well, Kainan is welcomed into the fold and the king’s daughter who’s a real pistol, takes a shine to him. Eventually there is nothing left to do but to go hunt that bitch down, so being a real kick ass astronaut, Kainan leads the soldiers into the mouth of darkness to eradicate this little problem. Oh, and did I forget to mention that Ron Perlman is in this? For just a few scenes but I love him just the same.

Not the pinnacle of movie making, but it had an interesting feel being a Science Fiction story in a medieval world. It oddly reminded me of a video game called Too Human which also took a look at Norse history with an intergalactic backdrop. I was not disappointed with Outlander, but it did take the first 15 minutes to get over the way Caviezel gave his lines, and to really revel in the action. The dragon effects did not disappoint, nor did the blood splatters that occasionally would fall on the camera lens, man I love me some gore.

THE GOOD, the bad, the ugly

2009-05-26T18:54:00.003-04:00

I don't know exactly what a JL421 Badonkadonk Land Cruiser/Tank is, but if Amazon is selling it for the low low price of $19,999.95, I think it's a total steal. Fuck road rage, you win in this bad boy.

Crap I want but don't need

2009-05-26T14:41:00.004-04:00

Boxed Wine Soap
Ahh, the memories.
Dirty Loves Clean

Coraline

2009-05-26T11:53:00.001-04:00

What can I say, I loved it. It was the perfect amount of creative and creepy that you expect Neil Gaiman and it was given that extra sense of awe with the stop motion animation that has been dwindling from our cinemas since Pixar came on the scene. I read the story a few years back and thought it was a clever quick read and was the first story I ever read by Gaiman.

The story is about a young girl with blue hair named Coraline, The characters often confuse her name to be Caroline which does nothing except piss her off. Coraline and her work obsessed parents move into The Pink Palace Apartments in Oregon from Michigan where Coraline finds herself bored and lonely. So Coraline goes exploring for an old well when she meets the acquaintance of Wybie, a character who is not in the book and Coraline takes to calling Whywereyouborn instead, and a mangy black cat. She also meets the neighbors, Mr. Bobinsky, A Russian Circus Acrobat who is training jumping mice and a pair of old actresses Miss Spink and Miss Forcible.

Coraline finds that Wybie has left for her a package which turns out to be a doll that looks just like Coraline. Out of boredom and irritation of her parents they ask Coraline to the house and to coconut all of the windows and things that are blue. It is this exploration that leads her to the small wallpapered door in the living room. She begs until her mother unlocks it and they find that all that excitement was for a brick wall.

That night, Coraline follows a small mouse into the living room where is hops into the mysterious doorway that Coraline sees now is no longer a brick wall, but a soft tunnel leading to another small door. It is when she enters the tunnel that the real fun begins. Emerging on the other side, Coraline sees her world, only better. Her parents are attentive and loving, and would be exact copies if it weren’t for the ominous black buttons they have in place of their eyes.

Coraline is enticed by the gardens and the improvements made not only to her neighbors who are no longer washed up has-beens but to Wybie, who can no longer talk which seems to make Coraline very happy. However nothing is what it seems in this world, and even as Coraline is wooed, a devious plan is unveiled that might trap Coraline forever.

I had wanted to see this movie for long and finally had the chance. The story was well conceived and fun to watch. When the movie ended, I immediately wanted to watch it again. Warning, there is a song in the movie by They Might Be Giants that WILL get stuck in your head.

the good, THE BAD, the ugly

2009-05-21T14:41:00.004-04:00

Did you know that the Mormon Church or Church of Latter Day Saints wear a special pair of under garments called Temple Garments? Oh, and a woman's bra is worn over the sacred garment? Just be glad it's not you.

Temple Garments are believed to do a great many things, the first being that they are a constant reminder to the wearer that their soul is owned by the Mormon cult. Second, along with being considered armor against evil it also holds magical properties that allows the wearer to walk a great distance and knock on many a door without ever acknowledging the phrase "I'm not interested". Last but not least, they represent the fact the wearer is not in fact batshit enough to be a Scientologist.

All things considered I would rather own a pair of Spanx, they at least hold your gut in.

Crap I want but dont need

2009-05-21T13:28:00.003-04:00

Leather Tote (also seen in Twilight)
Hated the movie, love the bag.
The Crafty Devil

cream floral silk-cotton 'Sammy' blouse by Sanctuary
I know it's really girly and not my colour, but I love the front ruffles
Bluefly

The Messengers

2009-05-21T11:42:00.003-04:00

I had heard that this film was not very good. Where this statement is true, I still find that even though the plot is flimsy and the turn out in the end is lame, I still find myself selecting it from my DVR when I am bored. It could have been a decent movie about a haunted house with scary ghosties. It had quite a few creepy scenes in it that showed promise, but I believe the American audience prefers to see a reason and resolution ending with the protagonist heroic and alive. This is fortunately not found in many Japanese horror films which may be why I find them so refreshing, even if my boyfriend finds them crappy and redundant. Anyway, back to the matter at hand.

The movie begins with a right kerfuffle. An unseen assailant is hunting and ultimately killing the occupants of a farmhouse ending with the small boy who was hiding in a cupboard being pulled into his eventual fate. Then we rocket five years into the present where we find that the Solomon family is pulling up their city roots and planting them on that very same fateful farm to grow sunflowers. It is insinuated that there is a reason other than the father’s dream to grow large yellow flowers for the move. Apparently their teenage daughter Jess, had a little issue with the drinkie-drinkie and got into a little fender-bender with her younger brother in the car. Now, here is the really lame bit, the son hasn’t spoken since. What a pussy.

Once they move in, strange things begin to happen. This mainly takes the form of a shitload of crows that surround the house and on occasion attack the father. The little boy begins to see the ghosts of the house and the angst ridden lush of a daughter falls in love with a vampire… wait, wrong movie. She basically just puts up a fuss about the sounds she hears and over dramatizes everything bitching that her family doesn’t trust her because of one little drunk driving episode that left her brother mute.

The parents are oblivious to the spirits and settle into making the best of this crazy ass idea of growing sunflowers. One afternoon that guy from Northern Exposure walks onto the farm and earns himself a job and a place to stay. The activity in the house turn up to 11 and Jess experiences physical attacks by the things in the house.

I would love to give away this story, but since I kinda like it, I will respect the ending enough to not give it away. It is a very soft core horror story that is suitable for anyone who doesn’t truly like being frightened or if you have a lazy day off of work.

the good, the bad, THE UGLY

2009-05-19T15:02:00.003-04:00

Oh sweet Jesus, how many of these things have I walked on after the Boston Marathon? I think I'm going to lose this battle with my gag reflex. Excuse me.

Crap I want but don't need

2009-05-19T11:31:00.002-04:00

creme brule bride. locket necklace.
Sea Unicorn

The softest thing in your closet - organic bamboo velor YOGA PANTS AND WRAP SET
I think I want the flat stomach more
Econica

Re-Cycle

2009-05-19T10:46:00.002-04:00

I really love me some horror movie, and if you throw in a long haired Asian ghost the merrier I am. So when I see this film by the famed Pang brothers, who to my knowledge have only created The Eye which turned into a touching drama and thus negated anything horrific I had just seen. Re-cycle not only failed to be frightening as it was far more similar to a Jim Henson production, it also pissed me off with its strong anti-abortion message, oh, and it made no sense either.

We meet Ting-yen, a young author who is on a total high after her third book hits the top of the book charts. However in an effort to get away from having to write a fourth book in the romance series, she chooses to write a supernatural story. Her publisher lets the cat out of the bag by announcing her up-coming horror novel before Ting-yen has even begun writing it. At this point I believe that the whole movie has moved into showing what is being written in the novel and not the reality the author is experiencing.

Ting-yen is blocked and writes drafted ideas onto paper and then discards them in the recycling bin of doom. It isn’t until she begins to experience odd sounds, shadows and long strands of hair in her home is she able to begin writing her story. Each occurrence becomes an immediate part of her story until she takes the enters the lift and is deposited into the land where all things go when they have been discarded. She sees large Ferris wheels and rocking horses and even that lost sock from the dryer turning this potential horror into a fantasy waiting for a musical number. While stumbling around she meets an old man and a young girl who offers to help her get to the exit which is apparently on the other side of the hall of aborted fetuses. Get it? All things discarded, which means her traveling companion is her aborted daughter. This is when I rolled my eyes and regretted being excited about this flick.

Gack! What a bummer. I don’t like my horror to have a moral message I personally think that is crossing the line. If I wasn’t as Pro-Choice and Anti-Baby as I am, I’m sure I would not be as repulsed by this action the Pang brothers decided to take. I was absolutely disappointed in this movie, but I’m sure that those of you who have the DVD collection of Kirk Cameron in his Left Behind series will absolutely love this movie.

the good, THE BAD, the ugly

2009-05-18T13:18:00.003-04:00

I had never heard of the Korean urban legend known as "Fan Death" until I made friends with a bonafide Korean. Wow, and I thought Americans were stupid in their fear of East Coast Liberals, but of fans? That just takes the bloody cake.

For anyone not familiar with "Fan Death" it is does exactly what it says on the tin. Death by fan is not well known in the US but apparently in South Korea it is one of the five most causes of death in the summer. A fan does not bring upon the death in the manner befitting a horror movie with Jigsaw, but the it has the ability to defy all laws of science and chop up the oxygen in a closed room thus suffocating anyone enjoying the cool breeze. It is widely accepted in South Korea that this is fact and they have gone so far to prevent death by fan that they have installed timers to shut the fans off before death can occur.

My friend also told me of the warning her mother gave her when she went off to college. She stating that if she is to sleep with a fan, to make sure it oscillates since the direct blow of the fan will inevitably deform her face.

Crap I want but don't need

2009-05-18T12:00:00.003-04:00

Set of 4 Winter Wine Glasses
I would be devastated if my cat broke one of these gorgeous wine glasses.
Mary Wibis's Shop

Printed Felt Coasters, Set of 4
You know, for those new wine glasses.
Inbound Thread

Max Payne

2009-05-18T11:33:00.002-04:00

This was the second time I have seen this movie, not because I liked it, but because the first time I saw it I thought it was so bad that I had forgotten everything about it. So I thought I would re-watch it to reaffirm my first impression. It was not so bad the second time around surprisingly enough, I would not recommend it by any means, but I can honestly say that on a lazy Sunday laying prone on the couch, this was not the worst thing I could have viewed.

The story takes place in New York where a slow, soft snow fall never ceases and a detective by the name of Max Payne won’t shut up about his murdered wife and child. So he chose a desk job in the cold case department because he wanted to pout and blame his partner for not shaking the magic eight ball enough times and finding the killer. Cry me a fucking river, so after a smack down in a train station with some drug fueled urchins, Max heads back to his snitch to tell him his lead was crap. His snitch is some oily ugly weasel with a New York loft one can only dream of where it appears he is throwing a party like it’s 1999. It is at this party that he meets Natasha who has a very small role and an even smaller dress who gets herself torn to shreds in an alley, but not after she goes to Max’s place where she attempts to seduce him but gets kicked out instead. Nice girl, on her way out she lifts his wallet and thus makes Max the prime suspect in her murder.

After Max’s old partner finds a link between Natasha’s tattoo and an identical one found on one of the thugs found in Max’s house during the murder he wastes no time in calling Max and leaving a message that he will meet him at his place where he will conveniently be murdered as well. Anyway, Max is so now in the shit and turns to his father’s ex-partner, BB Hensley who works security for the pharmaceutical company where Max’s wife once worked. By this point you will have figured out who is behind the murders, but for shits and giggles, let’s pretend that Jeff Bridges isn’t playing the character he always plays and move on with this ridiculous yarn.

Max isn’t the only one pissed about the murder of a family member, Natasha’s sister Mona who is completely not believable in her role as a Russian mob boss, believes that Max is the murderer of her sister. But after a heart-felt talk over tea and crumpets, they decide that they should join forces and find out who the real culprit is. Upon investigating the tattoo of the wings found on the various victims it leads them to a blue drug that causes the taker to experience hallucinations of demons and welding sparks calls Valkyr. Hmm, strange body and mind altering drug, a pharmaceutical company bent on success, a pile of dead bodies… yep, it’s anyone’s guess how this turns out.

It is a good role for Marky Mark, he plays a better tough guy than a soulful character and I will give this movie some credit as it is based on a video game. I found the action and visuals entertaining to watch, but honestly, the movie was rubbish for plot.

Crap I want but don't need

2009-05-14T09:47:00.002-04:00

Bubble hem Blue Dot Print Matte Jersey Dress
Hey, this could hide all of my "problem" areas
ES One of One

Yellow and Tan Bear- Eco Friendly Plush
I am not yet too old for stuffed animals thank you very much.
Stitch Face

Lost in Austen

2009-05-14T08:44:00.003-04:00

I am not as fanatical a fan of Jane Austen and her “Pride and Prejudice” as some are, but I am up there. With a collection of her works and as many movie adaptations as I can get my hands on, I can say that I am without a doubt an admirer. “Pride and Prejudice” being my favorite, I read it for the first time when I was in high school and I was lost in the romance. Now, there are multiple reproductions and continuations of this story and many of them flat out suck, however I have found many hours of enjoyment watching modern versions of the story, hell, there is a Bollywood adaptation for crying out loud. But what Lost in Austen does is take every woman’s dream of being part of the best loved story and makes it a reality for one Hammersmith girl.

Amanda Price is as much a fan of the story as one can be before they begin dressing in period clothing and getting institutionalized. She prefers staying at home and reading her favorite story to going out with her friends and her unfortunately un-Darcy like boyfriend. When one night she hears a commotion in her loo and upon investigation, she finds a young woman in Edwardian garb babbling about a secret door and claiming to be Elizabeth Bennet. When Elizabeth shows Amanda the door that leads to the upper most part of the Bennet household, she finds herself trapped at the very beginning of the novel and Elizabeth living in 21st century London. Amanda finds trust in Mr. Bennet and dislike from the marriage minded Mrs. Bennet who makes it clear that Amanda is not wanted.

Amanda does what she can to make sure the story progresses as it should even though Elizabeth is missing but finds it more difficult than she thought when Mr. Bingly becomes attracted to her instead. Attempting to force the story right, Amanda only finds that she makes it worse and alters the lives of her most loved characters.

Lost in Austen was a miniseries that aired late last year on some station I obviously do not have, and instantly gained high viewing numbers. Which is no wonder, every woman would love to switch places with Elizabeth and what Amanda Price gives us, is the opportunity to see what it would be like to live this dream. I am biased in my opinion I am afraid, I loved this series and find that I can’t wait to get home to watch it again.